Wheat and (DIY) cold feet

This morning, I came down with a serious case of DIY cold feet -- specifically when it comes to my fabric flowers. I hadn't worked on them in a long while, and the last time I tried to make a new kind of flower, I had a massive fail. I didn't even take pictures, it was sooo bad.  So I didn't have the greatest levels of confidence when I started trying to finish up the white flowers this morning (I have them all cut out and just need to singe them and stitch 'em together -- but I haven't done anything with my brown fabrics yet).
About half an hour into the venture, everything seemed to start going wrong. I had serious doubts about how the finished product would look whizzing through my mind, it seemed to be taking soooo long, and I started realizing how little time I'd been taking to work on them.
Are they worth it? I'm still trying to figure that out. I'm not making any hasty decisions about axe-ing them yet.

Don't be hasty.

But my backup plan is starting to look really enticing. What is it?

Wheat bouquets!
Seeing wheat bouquets was what got me interested in using wheat in our decorations to begin with, and I can't help but think they'd be soooooooo much easier than the fabric flowers. Just order up a giant box of wheat and some ribbon and pins and thereyougo.
Wheat, stop tempting me!

Co-bridesmaids and co-brides: making it work

Last night, I made what might end up being one of the most important phone calls during this whole wedding planning process. It shouldn't have been a hard phone call to make, but it was -- not because it meant pledging more money toward a vendor's services or plunging into a big decision, but because I had to get a grip on some insecurity that have been dogging me for a while.
One of my best friends from college is in my wedding and I'm in hers -- both of which are this year. This should be great, right? Having someone to talk wedding stuff to all the live-long day who actually likes talking about weddings?


We're definitely more like the Bingleys. Just sayin'.

It was turning out more like this:


... because I've been feeling sensitive and defensive about our wedding when it comes to talking with my friend.
I can't speak to how my friend has been feeling -- I have guesses, but I do know what's been going on in my head. And that's been a big ol' dose of insecurity.
My friend and I are moving in opposite directions in terms of lifestyles, and we've been headed in those directions since college -- she's upwardly mobile at this point, I'm happy and able to make do on my budget that runs out every month. And it seems like the more we move in these different directions, the harder it can be for us to come to common ground as easily as we used to. Her family and her fiance's family are expecting a traditional blow-out of an American wedding, and my fabric flowers seem as alien to her as her full-service venue does to me. And I think we're both feeling insecure about how folks will view each of our weddings, and when we feel like the other person doesn't understand our choices, we both feel defensive. (Well, here I go guessing at her feelings even though I was going to try not to...).
I've handled that insecurity poorly. Instead of just growing a tougher skin, I've tended to step back, being more difficult to get hold of than I used to be and not reaching out much on my own. But I'd been starting to worry about my own behavior. I even had a dream earlier this week that my friend fell into a pool and surfaced with a hurt look on her face when I didn't rush to get her out. When my friend messaged me last night saying she was a little hurt that I didn't ask her to go wedding dress shopping with me and that she'd be addressing invitation envelopes by herself all day today, a lot of those feelings came to the surface.
I was still tempted to pull back, to find some way to respond that would keep me from engaging emotionally. My thoughts went to the possibility that we could end up in a fight over how the distance between us came about, with both of us feeling that the other has changed.  But my fiance stopped me.
"Why don't we offer to go help her do her invitations?" he asked. He was right* -- we could drive down to her hometown, get a hotel room, help her with invites in the evening and head back home on Sunday. It took me a few minutes to get up the courage to call, apologize for hurting her feelings, and make the offer. Is it too little too late? I wondered, thinking about how long it had been since we just talked, not about what we needed to do for each other's weddings but about our lives, sharing honestly. Will she yell at me? I wondered, knowing her spitfire temper and how she's aimed it at vendors who haven't measured up and feeling like I've "measured up" as a bridesmaid less than the flaky caterer she'd considered for a few months.
I got brave and left her a voicemail. And when she called me back later, we were talking and laughing within ten minutes like we used to in the storage closet of my old dorm where we'd sit and drink and play with a giant hula hoop. I'd spent so much effort avoiding confrontation over insecurities and being defensive that I've been missing out on a friendship.

Good times in grad school

The whole experience got me thinking about how friendships can be put under a microscope when you're in someone's wedding pary. I don't know if it works this way so much for guys -- but I feel like there are a lot of issues that can present themselves when weddings are involved that might stay dormant otherwise. Putting someone into a situation with the set of expectations that comes with a bridal party can make things worse if you already feel like there's something unresolved or tense in your friendship. But, at the same time (at least to me), the whole point of asking someone to be your attendant is to recognize and honor your friendship. And I can't just tune out those issues when they come to light.
I feel so much better about the state of things between us now, and I've got a better idea of how I can help our friendship continue to grow rather than to stagnate. That idea revolves around communication. My friend will know I care about her if I stay in good communication with her and be open with her rather than clam up.
If you've been a bridesmaid, what has or could have helped you most with keeping a good connection with your bride-friend? If you've been a bride, what have you done to nourish your relationships with your bridesmaids?

* Right as always. One of the many reasons he'll make a great husband -- he helps me be a better person in so many ways.

Tickled salmon dusty rose blush...

Okay. I'm about to go crazy-bride on err'body up in here for just a second. Feel free to close your browser, because I know this is a little ridiculous.
I have a problem. Specifically, a pink problem. One that I never anticipated.
If you asked me just last year if I'd ever have anticipated having a wedding with pink in it, I would have laughed heartily. I would have told you that I'm not a pink kind of girl. And then, had you talked to my Mom, she would have told you how big a fibber I was.* I went through a pink stage as a little girl that would have frightened Barbie. I even had pink striped wallpaper and a briiiiiight pink bookshelf (which has since been repainted white).

This could have been me.

I've been a recovering pinkaholic since my early years, but apparently I can't quite kick it. As a grownup, I've never liked pink stuff made for women -- it's always too bright. But it's the off-shades of pink that I go crazy for: shell pink, rose, coral, salmon, any of the pinks that have neutrals mixed in. You'd never guess it because I can never find clothes that aren't fuschia or neon pink or bubblegum.
I like shades like this:



Blatantly bummed from 100 Layer Cake



When I first hit upon the idea of using dusty rose as a color in our wedding decor, I was thinking something like the rose color pictured above -- a darker, more fall-ish shade. But it's surprising how shades of pink can clash. Yesterday, I put my different pink things together while trying to figure out which shade of pashminas to order, and I ran up against a conflict in colors.**

Does...

or



... go better with

?

Mom and I are both more partial to the lighter salmon pink, but the brighter "dusty rose" is closer to the flowers in color. Mom says that the salmon looks better because it's different enough that "it doesn't look like I'm trying to match them," while with the dusty rose "it looks like I'm trying to match them and failing at it." Ha... true.

But then you start to add in other elements, like these tablecloths I'd been thinking of ordering.

       or

I'd been thinking the darker linen tablecloth would go well with the dusty rose in the pashminas, and the silk one is pretty, but it might be a little too fancy (especially since I'd been thinking of making runners out of some burlap. Burlap and satiny material? Would that look crazy?).

Basically at this point, I feel like I'm awash in a sea of pink (it's a sea that tastes like cotton candy, so I'm not toooo miserable). I can't tell what looks good with what anymore... I've been pink-washed! (Get it? Like, brainwashed? Or maybe I should say "I've got pink-eye." Okay, it's really bad when I'm making up dumb pink phrases that I have to explain. See my problem here? I need help, mostly of the psychiatric nature.)

My sane side says I'm thinking way too hard and that a range of pinks will look pretty dang awesome in the end rather than trying to match-match-match. So I'm going to listen to it rather than to my inner design freak who gets off on Pantone swatches. It'll all work out in the end, methinks.

Aww yeah, that's hot stuff... oh baby, oh baby!

* She'd also tell you how I've been obsessed with purple since then, too, and I can find plenty of stuff to wear in the purple shades I like. I'll never be able to escape my inner 6-year-old. She fully expects me to have unicorns at this wedding, too, since I'm going childhood-retro with the color.

** Johnny's official position is that pink is pink and the colors in the bar above are actually white, pink, pink, orange, and brown and that people who believe in more than 10 colors are just suffering under a big delusion.

What to give the girls?

It's probably way early to be thinking about this, but I just keep getting ideas for things to give my bridesmaids.  Most of my girls are pretty practical and have waaaay different senses of style -- R loves sewing and crafting, A loves her dogs and gardening and line dancing, B has a more high-class sense of style, J loves yellow (I mean LOVES yellow. And Chapel Hill blue.). K is classy and not into girly stuff while other-K loves anything a little fun and different and laid-back. I don't want to get them wildly different gifts, but I want whatever I give them to be something that I'm pretty sure they'll enjoy as their awesome individual selves.

Though I'm DIYing a ton of things for the wedding, this is one area that I don't want to go DIY-crazy with. I know that I love love love handmade gifts, and a few of my bridesmaids are that way, too, but a few aren't -- and I want to err on the side of giving more rather than less with my ladies. It means so much to me that each of them will stand with us, and they've each been important in my life or in Johnny's life. I may cut corners elsewhere, but not with them.

The first thing I saw that made me think "I HAVE to get these for the girls" were these hangers on Etsy. I'd seen them before in pro pics of wedding dresses and found one I'd love for myself. The more I wanted one of my own, the more I started thinking that this is the kind of thing that a woman with any sense of style might like but might not go out of her way to buy for herself. Visions of awesome pictures aside, I think these will be a neat gift.

By Janagaildesigns

I'm also a sucker for handthrown pottery mugs. Maybe it comes from going to hippie college or all the weekends I drooled over the pottery wares at the Carrboro farmer's market. They can be chunky and organic-looking or sophisticated-yet-unique, and I'm going to be on the lookout for some nice ones to gift to the ladies.

I looooove this one by Justmare!

I'm not really including the pashminas my bridesmaids will wear as a "gift" since I'm asking them to wear them, but I'll probably still put them in the gift bags with the rest of the goodies. Still not sure exactly which pink I'll be ordering -- I have one of the salmon and one of the dusty rose, and it's still hard to decide!

From La Purse

I'm pretty sure I'll be packaging it all in a totebag -- probably the one thing that I'll make myself unless I find a really good deal. There are lots of cool DIY totebags out there, so I think I can find a project that will look good enough to pass even my most discerning bridesmaid's tastes.

I was tempted to go with the "bridesmaid survival kit" theme, giving them some little bottles of different liquors and aspirin and bobby pins and whatnot, but if I had a choice between receiving liquor and a sewing kit or a freakin' awesome mug and hanger, I'd go with the second choice!

What would you love love love to receive as a bridesmaid? Is it something you'd get yourself or something you probably wouldn't spend the money on but would love to get as a gift?

A bandwagon full of mason jars (and some fireflies)

I feel like I'm coming off the tail-end of a whole slew of serious posts, full of either serious thoughts or srs bizns getting things done -- and we've also had some srs bizns stuff going on in real life in the past 24 hours that has worn me out. This morning is one of those mornings when I look for wedding inspiration on the web, just following where the internet-tide takes me, and that's becoming one of my favorite ways to do wedding-related things without a lot of stress. In fact, it's pretty stress-relieving, when you're just surfing to see what you can find.
I go back and forth between feeling like I'm being extremely unoriginal with my love for mason jars (and not caring) and realizing (probably realistically) that I'm one of the few people I know in real life who pays attention to wedding trends, and most of the folks we know will agree that mason jars are very "us." I went nuts over the Fireflies invitation on Minted because it reminded me of our first summer together, living in Johnny's uncle's house on the mountain. When we'd come home at night, the tree field that stretched out in front of the porch would be filled with fireflies. We moved in right as "firefly season" started, and there was something so magical and exciting about taking that step to move in together, and I feel that embodied in some of my memories of just taking a few moments to watch the fireflies together. I really do love that there's a way to bring those memories to our wedding with visual association -- it makes total sense to me why the whole "mason jars and fireflies" thing has taken off so much. They bring so many happy thoughts to people!
I've been curious to see what other mason jar things are out there since discovering the invites I love and the die cut and stamp sets from Papertrey. One thing I've found that I love: this drink dispenser from Pottery Barn. There's a whole article about mason jar drink dispensers on Intimate Weddings, but this one really caught my eye:


It's $70 and holds 1.5 gallons -- even if I just bought one and had someone refill it during the reception, it still probably wouldn't be worth the chunk of my budget it would take, but I still love looking at it! And the mason jar mugs = awesome because you don't have to grab hold of a sweaty glass. But we're mountain folk. We ain't too good for sweaty glasses. Still... they're cute.
I went over to Etsy, figuring that they'd be all up on the mason jar bandwagon -- and I was right! Along with enough mason jar lanterns to light up Texas, there are some cute finds, like stamps and favor boxes. If I were going to decorate the bathrooms in the church, I might put some of these in there:

By MidwestFinds, but other sellers do these, too

And what about these little beauties? I know brides are supposed to be all glamorous and stuff, but I wonder if it would be too cutesy to wear these for the wedding?

By Tracyleedesigns

But I did find something I love that I can afford and might actually purchase for the wedding if Johnny likes the idea: mason jar Bride and Groom toasting glasses!


By GracefullySouthern

You know what else is on Etsy? Tons of invites that have the same mason jar and fireflies thing going on as the ones I love on Minted. Some of them look kiiiiinda like knock-offs to me, but some of the other designs are neat and go in different directions than the jar + fireflies + brown background look. Also, I did a little price figuring and I'd still be getting the best deal at Minted (plus, their design is the one I like best, more than the similar Etsy creations... and I wouldn't feel like I'm contributing to design ripoff). Have I mentioned that if I go ahead and order the invites today, I can use a 10% off coupon? I feel crazy considering ordering invites this far in advance, and I may get another coupon before then, but I can't help feeling like "I have it! Let's do this! WHOOOO!" 
Also, I'm soooo glad we're not doing seating arrangements (heck, unless someone convinces me otherwise, we're not doing formal RSVPs), but if we were, I'd be in love with these, even though they're ripoff-y:

Aaaaaaaaadorable!

And now I have this song stuck in my brain:

... to the dress!

I'm starting to come down from the buzz of sheer excitement from finding my dress, but I still get happy squirmy feelings every time I think about it. But there's only so much I can show you of the real thing, because of this:

He may look like an innocent ASU fan...

But he's definitely sneaky. See the mischief lurking in those eyes... there's so much of it, it cannot be contained.


Who, me?

... yeah, he's definitely up to no good. If pictures of me in the dress I'm actually going to wear end up anywhere on the internet, he's going to sneak around and find them. But what I can show you are the dresses that were the runners up.

This was the first one I tried on. I liked it, but since it was the first, I was kind of in shock of "OMG I'M IN A WEDDING DRESS" and not able to articulate what, specifically, I liked and didn't like about it.

When I put the second one on, I knew from the second I saw my Mom's face and turned to see myself in the mirror that it would take a dress made of hundred dollar bills to one-up it. That's the one I can't show you. But I can show you the expression on my face while I was in it:

(Yep. This is the one. Ridiculously happy grinning ensues for half an hour... even when I get to put it on again at the end to try on shoes and look at it in full ensemble one last time.)

The third one was one Mom wanted me to try, as well as a favorite on the poll I posted on Weddingbee. It is a cool dress, just not really my style. It was fun to try it on, though!

The fourth one I tried was similar in many ways to the winner. This one was one I'd been really keen to see in person in the ivory color because I'd heard that the flowers on the bodice had a really lovely pinkish-and-champagne tint to them, and they were, indeed, gorgeous. I think if the one that was the winner hadn't existed, this one would have been my choice. Mom was surprised at how much better it looked on me than she thought it would! (Please ignore my crazy expression... dunno what I was doing there...). Some of the others did a lot more to define my waist, which I liked, and this one did something a little weird with my chest/above-the-boobs flab that the others didn't do quite as much. But I loved the flowy-ness and simplicity of it.

Really, I was amazed at how much better I looked than I thought I would. Dunno what this says about my psyche, but it sure made me happy.

So, there you have it... well, not really. You have all the ones except it, but since I have an internet creeper for a fiance, that's all you can have.... for now.

I said yes...

I'm still kind of giddy with excitement from the experience that was Thursday night. After a month of snow and trying to work around schedules, Mom and I finally got a chance to go dress shopping two nights ago. Though I wasn't determined to come home with a dress or a dress order in hand, I'd looked at the David's Bridal pictures enough that I felt really confident in the choices I'd narrowed it down to in my head.

*record scratch*

What's that you say? Why yes... yes, I went to David's Bridal.

DB has been called the "Walmart of Weddings" in the weddings, and it's true that it's totally the big-name chain when it comes to wedding dresses. But I don't have a problem with that!

Knowing my "price point" as the consultants at Kleinfeld would say, David's was looking great. If I'd wanted a designer dress, I probably could have found one second-hand with a lot of research, but as soon as I started flipping through the DB catalog and looking online, I saw that they had a lot of dresses in styles I loved. If I like 'em and they fit my price range, it just seemed silly to get worked up in looking at more expensive and more exclusive options if this fit what I wanted as well as I thought. And boy, was I right.

I knew I wanted something:

• Simple - with a little sparkle and detail but not really that much.
• Flowy - almost every dress I liked had chiffon involved.
• Ivory
• That works with my figure. I've tried on enough formalwear (mostly through shopping for dresses as a bridesmaid) to know some of the things that work for me, like ruching at the waist, A-line silhouettes, and empire waistlines. I loved that our consultant remarked that I had a good eye for finding stuff that works well with my shape :)

My local DB had gotten one or two bad reviews online for service, but I'd been there before and they'd been nothing but nice, so I pretty much ditched the reviews from my mind and went in expecting things to go well. Not only did they go well -- from the moment we walked in, I felt like they treated us like gold. Maybe it was because we went later in the evening when they weren't as busy as they get on weekends, or maybe it was because we'd scheduled an appointment. Who knows. But we experienced nothing of the dissatisfaction that I'd heard about.

Our consultant (Heather) was working with a few other folks at the same time, but she had her timing down so well that we never felt ignored -- quite the opposite! She was extremely friendly and helpful and made the whole experience a breeze. I'd been wondering about buying a longline bra and slip to go with my dress -- what do you know, she found the perfect ones, and I got to wear them to try on the dresses! I knew I wanted to wear my hair down but didn't have a clue what to wear in it -- ta-da, she finds a veil and hairpiece that go with it! I'd already been searching to no avail to find some cheap ivory shoes with a small heel to keep in mind for once I found a dress (I'm not a shoe girl) -- she has a great pair on sale for $20!

I love the discounts that pile up if you use David's Bridal and Men's Wearhouse for your wedding stuff. With the current sale prices and some discounts, I got my entire ensemble for around $850, which was pretty dang awesome -- I even got to take it home that night! That frees up about $200 of wiggle room in my budget, which is beyond awesome. I might even be able to afford one of these beauties from Etsy to hang the dress on...



By rockabuy creations

I won't hesitate to share my story of how DB treated us specacularly with other brides who've heard the same negativity I'd heard about the chain. I'm sure that there have been brides who've had bad experiences with them, but my local store and the consultant I worked with really deserve recognition for giving great customer service and giving me one of the most memorable and wonderful experiences of my life.

So, what's the dress look like, you ask?
There will be more to come...