I'm backin' up, backin' up...

I've been trying to figure out how to describe this wedding-shindig to people. The farther I go down the rabbit hole of planning, the more ground I have to cover when it comes to talking wedding with curious inquirers. Like my in-laws/outlaws, who I'll be playing Donkey Kong with this weekend, or my bosslady, or one of my favorite kooky old-lady patrons who always asks for books with sex in them.
Knowing that I'll probably end up talking planning a little bit this weekend, I've been backin' up, backin' up, backin' up in my thought process to try to put words around what I envision this wedding to be like. (I say "I" specifically because J's vision is "We get married. Yay! The End!" and I'm the one who does all the crazy details.)

• Familiar things with history and family have a big presence. Johnny's family church will be our ceremony and reception site, both our families plan to contribute with help, food, and decor, and we've envisioned this to be more like two big family reunions happening at once from the start. That's why we're not capping our guest list - there's always room for family, and we wouldn't feel right turning any of our relatives away who wanted to come. Our list of friends who could come isn't so big that we'll have to cut there.
• We both see God as a "third partner" in our marriage and see marriage as a spiritual commitment as well as a legal one, and the ceremony will be a Protestant one, in a Protestant church. This is a journey we're taking that's intimately connected to that part of our lives, maybe more than to any other part of our lives.
• My approach to coordinating things like attire and decor is like my Dad's approach to projects: "I know what I like, what I think looks good. How can I think outside the box to do something like this without going broke?" Oddly enough, it seems like this isn't as easy to understand for some folks I know as I would have expected -- I've had people seem to think I'm crazy for a) getting inspired by ideas that would probably be out of my price range to begin with (mostly family members) and b) trying to replicate those ideas in any way other than the Wedding Industrial Complex professional vendor way (a friend who is not too fond of anything DIY). Learning how to talk about planning with both these types of people has been a challenge, but I would say it's been a fun one, too.
• The look I'm going for in the design elements of wedding-stuff has warm tones and neutrals and is casual. I like using the word "rustic" - it combines the country/homemade/casual elements together in a way I like, and when I use it with other wedding-brain people, they know what I mean. I'm looking for ways to use color, texture, and materials to make people feel warm, welcome, at home -- that's more the feel we want than trying to set a tone of "let's party" or "we're celebrating high-life style." (I also purposefully chose the colors I chose so they'd go with the church, not clash with it, and that was a hard decision to make, as someone who adores purple.).
• This "warm and welcoming" feeling is something I want to bring in for everybody involved in the wedding -- I'm doing everything I can to take effort and stress off the other people involved, including our families and our wedding party. What we want is to celebrate with the people we love - that's the important part, and what they wear and how they can contribute (with projects, with money on their attire, etc) takes a backseat to just having them there with us.
• I like incorporating handmade elements as much as possible because I like making them! All "DIY saves money" debates aside, I choose my DIY projects based on what I think the effort I put in will add to the time leading up to the day, the day itself, and our memories of it. There are various arguments for each handmade piece I'm making, but that one applies across the board.
• Most of our guests are local and related to half of the other guests, and while we don't want people to go 'round hungry, we're planning a "snack and mingle" reception so we can have more flexibility with the guest list numbers, space, and seating (along with most of the foods we plan on making being less expensive and easier to prepare!).

That's all I can think of at the moment... being able to sum up where I'm coming from makes talking about the details a lot easier and puts them in context that helps other folks understand where my crazy bride-brain is. (My daddy taught me good!)

So many guestbook options...

I've been seeing so many creative and awesome options for guestbooks lately that I have visions of metallic pens and beautiful paper dancing in my head.
Well, maybe I'm not that crazy. But I am seeing lots of cool ideas.
My original guestbook idea involved something I saw at the bridal show I wing-woman-ed at in South Carolina: a tree. It was in a photographer's booth -- I have no idea who the photographer was, but I remember turning to see this gorgeous tree covered in orange flowers and matted photographs of a happy couple. Right then, I thought it would be super-cool to use a tree not only for a photo display, but also as a guestbook -- guests could hang shaped paper tags with their names and wishes on them on the tree (later, I learned about "wish trees" and that plenty of folks had thought of this already). My cell phone camera picture doesn't capture what I remember and instead gives it more of a "overhead flourescent grainy" feel...

Actually, I'm not as super-thrilled with this particular tree now as I was at the time. At the time, it blew my mind, man. And early on in the wedding-planning process, I learned about various types of trees appearing at weddings (craftificus MarthaStewartis) - everything from topiaries to things like the one above that aren't really "trees" at all. But that path... that path led me to fall in love with manzanita.
What is manzanita, you ask? It's a small, hearty, dense evergreen shrub that has plenty of decorative use. Especially at weddings, where brides tend to cover it in tinsel and crystals and unicorn hair and whatnot and make it look like your guests could spend time between the ceremony and reception making Tsahaylu with it.

Weddings on Pandora...

You can see these have a little more of a tree-ish look to them than the curly branches used for the tree I saw. However, the one I saw has the advantage of being much easier to put together -- manzanita has to be set in a sturdy base with some plaster of paris in order to stand up.

If I were set on a tree, I'd probably go with the manzanita just because I think they look prettier. But I'm not even so sure now that I'm set on a tree. For the number of guests we might end up having, there would be a lot of signed tags covering the tree, and I'm not sure if the product would be worth the effort. What would we do with all the tags later? Put them in a book? A jar? That would take up a lot of space, and wouldn't be too easy to look through. That's why I'm starting to lean toward more compact ideas, like books or things to hang on a wall.

Another option I love are guestbooks that double as photo albums -- either with pictures of your guests or with pictures of the couple. I've been getting Shutterfly coupons lately, and I love some of the Shutterfly albums out there that are used like this.

From Shutterfly

Or I could go with a totally different kind of tree - a 2D kind, with leaves made out of fingerprints. Bleu de toi on Etsy sells some great ones.

From Emmaline Bride

Johnny saw a signable photo mat in Michaels one day when we were there, and he really liked that idea. I like it, too -- plus there are lots of options of what to put behind the frame. A blown-up version of your invite? Big ol' wedding picture? You could even combine that with the fingerprint tree...

This one from Luster Studios looks classy.

Lots of options -- so many ones that I like! Still not sure which one I'm leaning toward. If Johnny doesn't have a particular favorite, I have a feeling it will come down to the Money + Time Investment equation. Since he's mentioned that he likes the pictureframe idea, I'm tempted to surprise him with that! We'll see...

First thoughts about The Dress

The question that eeeeevery body asks -- "have you bought your dress yet?" -- has finally started blipping on my radar. Maybe it's because some folks think that I'm waiting way too long to start looking. Maybe it's because I've been watching a ton of Say Yes To The Dress while I make flowers. Either way, I'm starting to feel really pumped about looking for a dress, and that's a good feeling.

It's an especially good feeling because I was worried at first that I wouldn't like anything. Most of those worries came from my idea that I would look as if I were wearing a tablecloth no matter what. But after a little online and tv research, I've finally seen that yes, some designers make gowns that look pretty awesome on women of my shape and size, and yes, the come in enough styles that I can contemplate choices. Hooray!

After my awesome experience at Alfred Angelo as a bridesmaid, I had my heart set on going back to their flagship store in Knoxville to find a bridal gown. But I got a copy of their catalog and looked at their selections online and... well... nothing really got me excited.* I still can't figure out why. They all started looking alike to me after a while, but you'd think that would hold true for all dresses.

I suspect it's because they don't have a lot of gowns that feature things that I feel go with the vibe of this shindig. Laid back, rustic, etc. -- big ol' ballgowns made of silk just aren't quite doing it for me. I still think they're gorgeous to look at, but I would feel a little weird in one at our homey afternoon deal.

But having watched a buttload of SYTTD, I also know how much designer gowns cost (as opposed to the "chain" AA gowns), and I'd rather make my own dress out of Bounty paper towels than spend that much money on something I wear for a few hours when I could be spending it on our honeymoon (I need to do a post on that topic, too!).
The obvious answer: David's Bridal.
Now, I don't get why DB gets such a bad rap from brides, unless they're expecting it to be something it's not. When I've asked this question on various places around the wedding-web, I've been told that you don't get the same service you get at a small salon, that the nature of the corporate beast compared to the mom-and-pop salon means that there's more chance for orders to go awry and whatnot, and that you might get glass "crystals" on your dress instead of Swarovski ones. Does this bother me? Nope. As long as I can find a saleslady to help me find the dresses I'd like to look at, I'm set!
And what are some of those dresses I'd like to look at?
I easily find a lot more things that look like something I'd like to try on on the DB website than I do on the AA one. I narrowed my top picks down to five. Guess what they mostly have in common?

(Style 9WG9859, Style 9E9351, Style 9WG9830, Style 9V9743, and Style 9PK3281. All pictures courtesy of David's Bridal)

All these dresses are made of flowy material (chiffon and/or organza), cut in flowly lines (A-line or Empire), and have a sweetheart neckline -- except that last one, which is awesome and not one I'd have expected to be interested in. But! These are all on people who aren't me. I want to see them on me. So... I'll be making a trip to David's Bridal in the near future. Hooray!

Which one is your favorite so far?

Epiphany!

I don't know how apparent it was in my plethora of words yesterday how on the fence I am about bridesmaids dresses. I mean, I thought I had this thing in the bag... but now I've been second-guessing myself over it. And when I start to second-guess myself, I do what I always do -- read crap-tons of stuff on the internet to see which way it sways me. And now I'm back to my original stance of "let the ladies pick whatever they want" -- but with a twist.
Just in case they end up reading this, I'm not going to put the surprise part here because I want it to be a surprise -- but it would be their bridesmaid's gift, would add color to their outfits, and (I think) is pretty awesome. Plus, gifting them this particular gift steers me away from looking for two-color dresses and back toward basic browns. Like this one from David's Bridal. Or, really, any cafe/latte/other coffee flavored dress they want to wear. Huzzah! It puts to rest my worries about how much my ladies are having to shell out because they can adjust it to whatever price point they'd like, and my surprise will unify the look, be seasonally appropriate, and add a pop of color that'll look nice. Woo! Pumped!

David's Bridal

Choices of choices

Something that I'd been pretty settled on when I first started getting my ducks lined up with planning was that I wanted to let my bridesmaids pick their own dress. At the time, I was leaning more toward "pick your own dress" in the loosest sense, showing them what color/s I'd like the dress to be and letting them run free. Having talked with most of the girls about that option since then, a couple of them are weighing in that they'd like a little more direction. I struggle with picking out dresses "for" them -- there's just something in the idea of asking someone to purchase a particular dress, one particular dress, that rubs up against my firm stance of "your wedding party members are not yours to command -- they're the folks you want to honor."

At first, I thought "how does it honor someone to tell them what to wear? Where is the trust and love for them as an individual and respect for their taste in that?" But I've started seeing the issue in a more deconstructed manner after being more immersed in brideworld and bridesmaidworld recently. There's a difference between asking your girls to wear a dress (or a dress from a set of larger choices) and asking them to a) wear this dress, b) wear these shoes, c) pay someone else to do your hair and makeup the way you want it done, d) (at extremes) have other alterations to their image done, such as getting their hair cut a certain way or tanning. I've seen brides ask their ladies to do that whole range of things... and it makes me sad that the far end of that spectrum is considered "acceptable" in some circles for a bride to ask her friends to do.

That being said, I'm starting to reconsider my total hands-off approach from the requests of some of my bridesmaids. I can see how it would be less stressful to not have to figure out where to find a dress and worry about whether it will "go" on your own. But I still don't want to put them through a whole series of style hoops to jump through. Those style hoops cost money and would strip my awesome ladies of a lot of the individuality that I love about them. So, I'm thinking that the best middle ground is to choose a set of dresses for them to choose from and ask them to pick the one they like best -- not "vote on the one for everyone to wear" but "wear the one you like."

Having had some not-toooo-great bridesmaids dress shopping experiences myself, I was surprised and thrilled with my experience at the Alfred Angelo flagship store in Knoxville, TN. The best part? They had samples that actually fit me! And all their sizes are the same price for each dress -- no markups for larger girls. Which is awesome. They're one of the more affordable chains, and they have colors that I love (I would go with David's Bridal because of location and prices, but they have a hole in their color selections riiiiiight where I would choose). I love some of the two-color dresses from Alfred Angelo:



Alfred Angelo #7063




Alfred Angelo #7056

 

Alfred Angelo #7044

I love the idea of using a neutral for a base color and using the brighter colors for accents. I've actually tried on all three of these dresses, and all three worked really well with my body's size and shape (my personal favorite is the one with the three-tiered bottom -- I would wear that one again, pretty much no matter what color it was. It's just a great dress.).

I've also been keeping my eye on online clothing sellers that have large selections of vintage-y dresses, like ModCloth and Anthropologie. The looks of a lot of their stuff would fit perfectly with the kind of low-key ceremony we're planning, but their ranges of sizes aren't as wide as we'll need -- but just in case the girls get brave and want to find their own dresses, I'm keeping my eyes open for things to suggest to them.

Funny how I don't have any qualms at all about saying "hey, groomsmen dudes, everybody go on a suit-renting adventure!" Mostly that's because I know that Johnny wants everybody suited up and... well... they're not fashionistas or the kind of folks to express themselves mainly through their clothing.

Ideas for a card box

By the time our wedding rolls around, most of our wedding guests will have figured out that we're not registering for much. Sure, someday I'd like to have a cherry red KitchenAid stand mixer... would reeeeeally like to have a stand mixer. But October 22 will not be that day. See, we kinda have to have a place to live first.
Our next big project, after saving for the wedding and honeymoon, will be to start saving up the downpayment for a house. It's going to be rough and will take a while, and both our families know this. We're not outright asking for money as a wedding gift, but I strongly suspect that if people decide to gift us, they're going to do so with money.
I didn't know about card boxes until I saw someone's DIY one the other day -- but it made something in my brain go "ding!" It makes total sense for us to have a card box shaped like a house.
I'm getting my ideas together for making one. I think I'm just going to paint a box with a slit in it, then make a false front shaped and painted like a house. We'll see what I can come up with. But! If I had $80 to blow on something as... well... not very useful in the long run as a card box, I would buy this one:



By DoorCountryWoodworks

 Not only is it a fully-color-customizable card box -- it converts into a freakin' awesome birdhouse after your wedding is over. So dang cool. Oh well -- I don't have anywhere to store a birdhouse, anyway, and it makes great inspiration :)

What to make with these?

Miss Cinnamon Bun posted about her love for Papertrey Ink products on Weddingbee this morning, and I think I'm quickly following her in her enthusiasm. She featured their mason jar stamp set, which matches nicely with their mason jar paper-cutting dies.

All pictures courtesy of Papertrey Ink

And... did I mention that one of my Mom's co-workers has already offered to let me borrow her Cricut for wedding crafts? I am one lucky crafting dog! Now... I just have to figure out what to make with them, before I actually buy them. Swags for the tables? Inserts to go in the invites? Guestbook papers for guests to write on? The possibilites - they are endless.

Some thoughts on cake

Yet another snow day has come and gone without me being able to get to the fabric store. I'm itching -- itching, I tell you! -- to buy the fabric and thread and other materials I need to get started on some sample fabric flowers. But, since I'm unable to get started on that, I decided to think about something else today. Cake!

"Oooooh, I love a bit of cake. Oooooh, cake. Oooooh, cake. Cake. Cake. Cake. Cake. I'm just one of these people. I come home and I need a piece of cake."

(*cough* I've been on a BritCom kick recently.)

The whole cake business is something that's been pretty much strictly DIY for us from the start. For one, we live in an area where there isn't enough business for bakeries to... well... work. I'm pretty sure that if I wanted to outsource this cake, I'd be spending a ton just to have it transported here. There's probably somewhere in Boone or Blowing Rock that would do it, but I guarantee you it would cost more than it will cost us to make... something. The question is, what kind of something?

I love this cake that I saw on Style Me Pretty -- I'm really drawn to the fabric flowers (who'da thought?) and the detail around the bottom of the layers that looks like... I can't figure out what, but I like it. Maybe like branches? Something pretty.

If we do a layered cake, I'd love to do something similar, but probably with simple ribbon around the bottom of each layer and buttercream instead of fondant. I know me and Mom. Buttercream = familiar and less stressful. Fondant = "what are we supposed to do with this?" But -- that's if we do a layered display cake. I think we're a lot more likely to have success with two or three smaller layered cakes (or one display cake and some sheet cakes) than a big ol' huge tiered thing.
I also love the idea of having multiple, smaller cakes. For one, it seems to go well with the idea of having a groom's cake (I would love to make a cake with the Horde insignia on it, or possibly his guild tabard, for Johnny's groom's cake. Picture a large hot pink cake with a purple scarecrow on it, if you will.) Also, that means you can do some nice-looking crafty stuff with multiple cake stands. Here are some on Etsy that are gorgeous, but I know enough people who do woodworking (or at least own a chainsaw) that I thiiiink I could coat them in polyurethane and make them myself.

Made by RoxyHeartVintage

That's if I want to get fancy about it, though. I don't have my heart set on anything like that, as cool as it looks -- but at least it did get me thinking about the fact that you do have to put a cake on something.
I love the way that cake tables with multiple small cakes on stands with different heights look, especially since I could nest this in the center...

So. My thoughts on DIY cake:

• Probably multiple pieces -- whether that means one display cake with extra sheet cakes or multiple small cakes.
• Buttercream all the way, baby!
• Simple decorations. Not a lot of flowers and piping and stuff. For DIY, easier is better :)
• Must be easy to transport - nothing too big or unstable
• Must not be so big or complicated that helper-folks who aren't pastry chefs can figure out how to cut 'em.
• Something we can make to scale in a practice round or two without going broke.

I also found some neat tutorials and reference entries on DIYing your own wedding cake at DIY Bride. They ran Cake Month entries recently:

• Is a DIY Wedding Cake for You?
• First Steps
• Slices: Size Matters
• Boxed Mix or Scratch Recipe?

Mom and I need to talk and figure out what flavors to do (Johnny already says he has no preference...), what recipes to use, and when to do our test runs. Rest assured that there will be a rundown when that happens!

At least our DIY cake will taste better than dust.  

Ch-ch-changes

Hey, it's 10 months until go-time! Thought this would be an appropriate day to give an update after my "time off" for the holiday season. I'm extremely glad that I took some time away from actively trying to get stuff done related to wedding-business and worked on other projects -- finishing NaNoWriMo, moving house, getting used to winter weather driving again (I've slid off the road twice already...), and all that jazz. (I should probably include "playing the heck out of some Cataclysm" in that mix.)
However, I didn't actually put wedding-stuff completely out of mind for the past month. Kind of far from it. I spent a lot of time just mulling ideas over, getting a better sense of what I want to do and what can be done with the funds and time I have, and thinking about the end product. And all that has come down to a lot of changes.
As any goblin in Azeroth will tell you, "time is money, friend." I'm lucky that I have a lot of weeks and months to use for DIY projects before October, but the free time I have day-to-day is pretty hard to come by. I've been trying to evaluate how much product I can get out of the time I have in order to come out with stuff that looks good but hasn't taken up so much time that I'm left stressed to the max. I'm still keeping the picture tree (and I finally know what that kind of tree is called - manzanita!) and the candle centerpieces, since those are the projects that are most important to me. My big decision right now is whether to go with making fabric flowers or not. I mean, look at these beauties:

Source



Or this one...


Source



I love the rustic, relaxed, homey look of the felt ones, and Mrs. Locket's lace ones are to die for. If I don't do fabric flowers, I'll most likely be doing something involving a ton of wheat. Like this.



Source

Actually, it was that picture that changed a lot of the style choices I'd been thinking of. (More on that in a minute.)
I'm probably going to be doing a combination of wheat and felt flower stuff with the reception table centerpieces, too.
Most of my other DIY projects that I had in mind are getting super-simplified. Mallorn-leaf bouts will probably get replaced by simple wheat ones, maybe with a fabric bloom on there, because I forgot how bad I am with Sculpey :P This is also a contributing reason for why the cake topper idea is going away and getting replaced with an already-made piece that isn't technically a cake topper but which J and I both really like (which will probably just stand beside the cake):


"Together" by Susan Lordi (Willow Tree)

I've re-thought my stance on invites. The things are so dang expensive. Actually anything paper in general is so dang expensive - programs, thankyous, everything. That and the flowers are what I'm most up in the air about at the moment. I still like Cards and Pockets, but I've also seen some nice Seal 'N Send invites with detachable RSVPs. Or I could go the totally DIY route and make some like these pretty ones I found instructions on from Michaels:


Source

Or some of the pro ones from Wedding Paper Divas that I could simplify down to one piece. The more I think about invites, the less I want multiple pieces of paper stuck in them and the more I want to encourage people to use our website. Since we know there'll probably be people who don't get an invite who turn up anyway and know how weddings around here generally work ("Why do I have to send this card back?"), we're just going to do a ton of finger-foods and not have to worry so much about head count. The website has all the info that would go on all the extraneous invite cards.
I also changed my mind a little on the color scheme after taking a better look at the church and the fellowship hall with wedding stuff in mind. The sanctuary has medium-tone wood and burgundy carpet, and the fellowship hall is dusty blue and taupe -- I ended up really liking the way that dusty rose looked with both those sets of colors, so the purple is getting traded out for that color (which should be the same color as the blog background, if it's registering the same way on your browser as it is on mine).
So... I guess that even though I haven't really done anything, I've thought a lot! With the end of the holidays, I'll probably be making some DIY update posts as the ball gets rolling with those projects, and I'll have a better idea of what we're going with.
That's where we stand...

DIY Roundup

I've been pulling together a list of the various projects and pieces I want to craft myself, and I know some of these will fall by the wayside as I go (or I might trade them for some other idea). But, in the meantime, here's a somewhat-official list of the homemade elements I'm going to be attempting for the wedding over the coming year.

The big deals: projects I'm most invested in:

• A guestbook covered and painted to look like a copy of The Lord of the Rings
• A "picture tree" - branches gathered up in a vase (probably with wired silk leaves on some of the twigs), hung with some matted sepia versions of our engagement pics
• Really awesome self-designed invitations, probably to be printed through Cards and Pockets
• Making a cake topper that looks like this (have no idea what I'll make it out of):

• Mallorn-leaf boutonniere pins made from Sculpey and metallic paint
• Centerpieces featuring beeswax pillar candles made by my Mom's 6th grade Chandler's Guild. This one is my favorite :) It's a tribute to my Mom, kind of a personal piece of spiritual imagery for both me and Johnny, and they smell awesome. I may see if they/Mom can make our unity candle and tapers as well.

Of lesser importance or things that I haven't thought through thoroughly yet (say that three times...):

• Carved monogram pumpkins outside the church doors - also, Celtic knotwork pumpkins. Would look awesome. Dunno if I'll feel like/have time to do them one week til The Hayes-ening.
• DIY-ing bouquets for my bridesfolk out of silk fall leaves. Would look really neat, could be done waaaaaay in advance, and wouldn't cause anyone's allergies to flare up *cough*Johnny*cough*. I'm trying to find some silk leaves now to do a mock-up before I do any sort of silk leaf ordering so I know if I've got the skillz to pull it off. I've also had a number of other bouquet ideas, involving candles and lanters, none of which have materialized completely in my brain yet. So... jury's still out.
• A veil. Veils are expensive as all get-out, and I have a friend/former coworker who just made one for her own daughter and is willing to lend me her gorgeous pattern -- I would love to take advantage of this to save money, if I can find the time to make it! Will know more after I have a dress, probably in the spring. With or without a veil, I may DIY some sort of hair thingy unless I find something affordable that screams awesomeness at me -- but I may take the time to seek that out, being much more unsure of how to make hair thingies that I like than I am of projects involving paper or clay. You can definitely see my preferred mediums in this list :P
• If I have time, funds, and luck with finding fabric, I'd like to make some table runners to give the fellowship hall some needed color.
• Also, the number of things I stick willow/grapevine twigs and Christmas lights on may vary. It'll probably be in some places, but I just haven't figured out the extent to which I want to use those things yet.
• Programs. According to Mom, she has never ever ever been to a wedding with programs and doesn't understand why you'd have them. I want to recognize our Wedding Partay somehow or another -- either in a program or some kind of cool sign that I put in the vestibule or something. I've thought of maybe making a banner that fits with the theme, or ... some... sort.. of... big... sign. Dunno. Just something to recognize, by name, the folks who're standing with us.
• Flower girl thingies! Johnny tried to ask the Mom and Dad of our prospective flower girls, but they were too busy at the moment to really understand what he was trying to ask... so if we do have flower girls, I'll probably put together something for them to throw and something for them to carry that stuff in. It may be punched-out paper thingies -- who knows. Figuring that out later. I would looooooove to make them pretty flowery-ribbony wreaths to wear out of silk flowers so they can keep them and play dress-up with them.

Am I being overly ambitious? I have a year, and most of these things don't require too awful much moola. The most expensive one is the invitations or flower-related things. I don't really plan to have a lot of fresh flowers, if any -- I did a lot of thinking about that last week, and considering that my fiance has allergies, I don't have cash to drop on a florist, and I want to be able to get things ready as far in advance as possible (which makes DIYing fresh flowers nigh impossible), I think silk is the way to go (Johnny says I should import the most expensive flowers from Asia, but I think he is kidding...... :P).

I know I could do simple, buy at Staples and print 'em yourself on your own printer invites... but I really really want to design some awesome invites. I guess everybody has their one thing that they can't justify but really want -- I may have to just Staples it, and I can still make them look awesome, so I'm not too crazy over it. It's just that if I do have extra money to push around for a project, it'll probably go toward that.

Bridesmaid Limbo

Johnny has known who his groomsmen would be since the first wedding conversation we ever had, which was sometime last May. Which makes sense. He has two separate sets of friends, both of which are equally dear and important to him, and all of whom I think are awesome. They're all wonderfully geeky men who know how to get along with and interact with all types of people, which I think is awesome -- I didn't get much of a chance to interact with many socially aware geek men (with a few WWC exceptions) until grad school (and even there, they were still a rarity. Sometimes I'd listen in class and interpret topical discussions in terms of "my library penis is bigger than yours and better at Linux."). These guys -- these guys are awesome.
I have my list of wonderful folks whom I plan to ask to be my bridesmaids, and the asking will probably take place a) over the internet and b) sometime soon. I'm hoping to have my act together by tonight. I have no idea how many of them will agree to come, which is okay... but until I get out of this state of "I know who all I'm asking but can't exactly ask them rightthisminute," I'm posting this.

(Do Bridesmaids Need To Match? by SCEchicago)

Matching bridesmaids outfits are great, don't get me wrong. I honestly love the bridesmaid dress I get to wear in my friend Becca's wedding, which makes me look fantastic and makes me feel like a pretty pretty princess. But I gotta say... I love the mismatched bridesfolk look, too (I keep saying bridesfolk because I also love non-gender-roled wedding parties). Look at how great these bridal parties look. Awesome, right? (Some of the most awesome ones I've seen are on OBB, but they're doing maintenance this morning, which also means that I can't put up the link that made me squeee yet.)

After my Alfred Angelo trip with Becca, I was thinking ahead that I'd probably "put" all my folks in something from there, all alike. But again, I get to thinking about money and the wedding industry, not to mention folks' comfort and financial situations and body structure and consuming habits (also, I started not really wanting to "put" anyone in anything, because people should have control over what they put themselves in!). Doing the whole budget wedding thang makes me think a lot about the cost that goes into weddings... for everybody.  If my folks want to buy a dress/outfit, they can buy it from wherever they want, with their own range of prices (and fabrics and purchasing ethics) to choose from.  Basically, I don't want to limit folks who I'd love to have there and who would come based on what they want and can afford to wear. As long as it's some color close to antique lavender. Guess I should put that in there.

And the paint swatch idea they mention in this link is gold. Snaggin' that one for my own future use :)

ETA: Actually, having just read some forum board posts about how some bridesmaids stress out over too much choice, it makes sense just to ask them whether they'd rather all agree on the same thing or find their own or meet somewhere in the middle and choose between 4-5 options I provide...

Battle of the Themes: contender #2

The "it" item of my second theme is this fantastic idea constructed by a photographer, which I saw at the bridal show in SC when I went with Becca as her MOH:

 

It's not the best picture (or in the best lighting, being in a convention center with florescent lighting and a lady's shoulder in front of it, taken by my cell phone camera). But I love the idea -- if you can't tell, it's willow branches with little flowers wired onto the ends and with matted photos of the couple (in sepia, I believe) hanging from the branches.

When I saw it, it took my breath away.

My second theme centers around a lot of the natural autumn beauty that's in this region. I could also easily work in some Celtic touches with my DIY stuff -- actually, if I want nice Celtic stuff that isn't just in snow white and freakin' shamrock green, that's the only way to do it (without paying out the butt). Nobody seems to want anything pretty and Celtic and wedding-y and affordable... except me, hehe :) Two words: rubber stamps. They will be key. I'm also hoping that I could achieve a slight, subtle Middle Earth feel to everything without it being in-yo-face LotR, so it would be very personal to us both, slightly geeky, but not so overwhelmingly so that all our old relatives would be confused.

• Colors: antique lavender (like the little purple flowers that bloom on Western NC roadsides in autumn) and various fall shades (mostly brown, a little burnt orange maybe).
• More of a formal feel from the Celtic knotwork and seasonal length of dresses.
• Fall foods! Thanksgiving-y small sandwiches (think cranberry chutney and turkey salad), chai and other tea and coffee, pumpkin stuff, possibly carrot cake.
• Candles candles candles, autumn leaves, and woodsy touches.

It's so hard to choose! I need to choose pretty soon though. So I'm going to mull it over today and see if I have an answer by tonight.

Battle of the Themes: the first contender

I should not be awake at 2 am thinking about this, but since I'm doing it already, here goes....

I've currently got two "finalist" themes in mind, and both of them hinge on the the time of year -- whether we get married in late summer or into fall.  There are other factors going into the decision of exactly when to tie the knot, too, of course. If we do it earlier, we're more likely to have warm weather to encourage people to go outside and ease up the number of folks inside the church, longer daylight hours for taking pictures, and my bridesgals can wear shorter dresses (which will cost them less). If we do it later, we've got more time on our side -- time to save, time to plan, time for me to get more DIY adventures in.

But, I gotta say, this is the most visually compelling argument for doing it earlier:

I've been in love with this invitation since I saw it on the internet last summer. By "love," I mean "I saw it and actually started crying because it was that perfect a fit for us." At that point, I'd been kicking around the idea of "what if we have a summer wedding some day in the distant future," and this particular graphic tied in with the fireflies and mason jars idea I'd already been incubating just perfectly.
Like all outsourced invites, these are dang expensive -- however, they're the one thing I think I would really splurge on if we decide to go with an early option, and I don't think I'd regret it. Considering that I'm still drooling over them after about four months, I think they'd be a worthy splurge. I've heard arguments against investing a lot in invites -- people throw them away, they say. That's true -- some people do -- but they're also the first taste of the event that people get, and I think they make a better (at least flatter and more saveable/scrapbookable) memento than favors.
Bah, my practical judgment is clouded so much here.
Anyway, this gives you a visual reference for the theme, so here are some of my other ideas for details:

• Colors: A berryish purple (the invite color is "lobelia") and ivory
• Fun, laid-back, summery feel 
• BBQ and sweet tea!
• Copious use of Christmas and rice lights, along with gauzy fabric
• Guestbook constructed of a clothesline strung back and forth, where people can use clothespins to attach signatures/notes (I really need to draw a pic of this one to show the full idea)
• Centerpieces of mason jars used as various types of candle holders, ribbon accents added for color
• Star-shaped paper lanterns

I have more solid designs in mind for theme #2, but that one will have to wait until tomorrow.

My Bridal Manifesto

Today is October 22, 2010, and I'll be getting married in a year. We haven't set a date yet, but we're still thinking about sometime between late summer and the leaf season here in Western NC. I'm excited, thrilled, and ridiculously happy.
And I have a confession to make.
Ever since I first had an inkling that Johnny wanted me to be his main squeeze long-term, I've been looking forward to the day when I could think about wedding stuff "legally." Ah, there was the thrill of covertly reading through posts on WeddingBee on my laptop every once in a while, with Johnny playing Red Dead Redemption blissfully unaware of the craft store DIY machinations taking root inside my mind just a couch away. I think he's guessed that secret, because in the less-than-a-week since he put the ring on my finger, he's already heard about what I envision doing with silk leaves and florist wire and heard about the five or so theme ideas battling it out in my mind. But for the most part, then, I kept my wedding-dreaming to as much of a minimum as I could, feeling like it was better to enjoy dating rather than to get ahead of myself (but it was hard.)
Now I feel like a race-horse ready to spring out of the gate, ready to plan the heck out of a wedding that will host (most likely) at least 250 people, because we both have ginormous extended families. It's a challenge I feel excited to take on, even as it scares the poo out of me.
But engagement didn't erase everything I promised myself and learned during my days as a lady in waiting. I learned from watching a friend go through the early stages of planning her wedding and from another friend's fantastically offbeat wedding. I learned from conversations with my awesome Mom. I learned from my own values of practicality. I learned from praying. And I want to set out my goals for myself as a bride as I get ready to take on a fantastic, exciting, beautiful challenge of a year.

Mere's Bridal Manifesto

• I will do my best to act out of kindness, consideration, grace, and love in all aspects of pre-wedding stuff. I won't go into the details of what I've seen brides-to-be do -- I mean, everybody knows some good bridezilla stories. The heart of what I want is for those around me -- the family I know and love and the family I will be joining, as well as the friends Johnny and I hold dear -- to remember me as a bride who "knows how to act," as my Granny would say. I want to remember that my friendships are more important to my friends than a wedding is. I want to remember that my Mom is my mother more than she is a mother-of-the-bride. I want people and relationships to come before centerpieces and coordinated colors. You get the gist. There's no other time when you're on display more than as a bride-to-be, and I want to represent myself so that people will remember me focusing on the love, not the stress. And really... I want to focus on the love, not the stress! Which brings me to...
• I will do my best to remember the big picture. To me, the big picture is that... dude... we're getting married. Johnny and I love each other enough to give our lives to each other, and to give our connected lives and relationship to God. It's a three-part union (at least for us), and I want this time to be used to build that union. I want to grow closer to my husband-to-be and to God and not let the planning make me forget that that's what's important.
• I will do my best to approach challenges with creativity and an open mind. I've already experienced the bridal freakout feeling when I realized just how many people will be involved in this wedding. It was my first occasion when I did panic for a few minutes -- before I remembered that getting that worked up is unneccessary, and that I can find creative solutions for how to feed and host what might feel more like an army of Spartans than a family wedding. I know I'm capable of figuring out how to adjust to about anything -- I want to remember that I can!

I NOW... PRONOUNCE YOU... MAN AND WIFE!
• I will not cave in to the pressures of the Wedding Industrial Complex. What is the Wedding Industrial Complex, you ask? ("Here is a resource!" says your friendly bride-librarian. Bridebrarian? Oh snap. That's me.) I bought one copy of Bride magazine just to prove to myself that going "traditional" wedding industry isn't my thang. And I was pretty much right. My reactions are a lot like those of Toots in the article. There are a lot of traditional elements I like -- I will be wearing a fantastic ivory dress, I will tell you that. But when it comes to sit-down meals and favors and escort cards, that just doesn't hold any feeling for me. I may not be as offbeat a bride as some of the fantastically awesome brides I love to read about, but I have a feeling that the Hayes wedding is going to be a wonderfully individual mix of things that are just right for us, our friends, and our family and not be beholding to "tradition."

There they are -- my goals. It feels a little surreal to actually put them down, after having mulled them over for months while I wondered if I'd be waiting for this until the year 4027. I put them out here for y'all to keep myself accountable. If you're reading this, consider it my promise to you, whether you're a family member, a friend, or just some awesome internet-reader.
Alright. HAYES FUTURE OF AWESOMENESS -- ENGAGE!
Meredith out.
Rock on :)