Choices of choices

Something that I'd been pretty settled on when I first started getting my ducks lined up with planning was that I wanted to let my bridesmaids pick their own dress. At the time, I was leaning more toward "pick your own dress" in the loosest sense, showing them what color/s I'd like the dress to be and letting them run free. Having talked with most of the girls about that option since then, a couple of them are weighing in that they'd like a little more direction. I struggle with picking out dresses "for" them -- there's just something in the idea of asking someone to purchase a particular dress, one particular dress, that rubs up against my firm stance of "your wedding party members are not yours to command -- they're the folks you want to honor."

At first, I thought "how does it honor someone to tell them what to wear? Where is the trust and love for them as an individual and respect for their taste in that?" But I've started seeing the issue in a more deconstructed manner after being more immersed in brideworld and bridesmaidworld recently. There's a difference between asking your girls to wear a dress (or a dress from a set of larger choices) and asking them to a) wear this dress, b) wear these shoes, c) pay someone else to do your hair and makeup the way you want it done, d) (at extremes) have other alterations to their image done, such as getting their hair cut a certain way or tanning. I've seen brides ask their ladies to do that whole range of things... and it makes me sad that the far end of that spectrum is considered "acceptable" in some circles for a bride to ask her friends to do.

That being said, I'm starting to reconsider my total hands-off approach from the requests of some of my bridesmaids. I can see how it would be less stressful to not have to figure out where to find a dress and worry about whether it will "go" on your own. But I still don't want to put them through a whole series of style hoops to jump through. Those style hoops cost money and would strip my awesome ladies of a lot of the individuality that I love about them. So, I'm thinking that the best middle ground is to choose a set of dresses for them to choose from and ask them to pick the one they like best -- not "vote on the one for everyone to wear" but "wear the one you like."

Having had some not-toooo-great bridesmaids dress shopping experiences myself, I was surprised and thrilled with my experience at the Alfred Angelo flagship store in Knoxville, TN. The best part? They had samples that actually fit me! And all their sizes are the same price for each dress -- no markups for larger girls. Which is awesome. They're one of the more affordable chains, and they have colors that I love (I would go with David's Bridal because of location and prices, but they have a hole in their color selections riiiiiight where I would choose). I love some of the two-color dresses from Alfred Angelo:



Alfred Angelo #7063




Alfred Angelo #7056

 

Alfred Angelo #7044

I love the idea of using a neutral for a base color and using the brighter colors for accents. I've actually tried on all three of these dresses, and all three worked really well with my body's size and shape (my personal favorite is the one with the three-tiered bottom -- I would wear that one again, pretty much no matter what color it was. It's just a great dress.).

I've also been keeping my eye on online clothing sellers that have large selections of vintage-y dresses, like ModCloth and Anthropologie. The looks of a lot of their stuff would fit perfectly with the kind of low-key ceremony we're planning, but their ranges of sizes aren't as wide as we'll need -- but just in case the girls get brave and want to find their own dresses, I'm keeping my eyes open for things to suggest to them.

Funny how I don't have any qualms at all about saying "hey, groomsmen dudes, everybody go on a suit-renting adventure!" Mostly that's because I know that Johnny wants everybody suited up and... well... they're not fashionistas or the kind of folks to express themselves mainly through their clothing.