Wedding Mythbuster: Myth #2

Myth #2: You have to spend a lot of money if you want your wedding to look good.

About a month after we got engaged, I started trying to be a smart bride and figure out my budget. "Easy!" I thought. "I can put half my paycheck toward the wedding every month, and we'll be set!" I should have known things would get complicated. Because, you know, life costs money, and I don't make that much to begin with. Saving for the wedding and honeymoon has had me watching my bank accounts like a fiend because I've never done this much stretching of dollars before in my life. Even though I'm doing a good job saving for a modest wedding we can afford, it's still easy to get down about how hard it is just to save so little, especially when this myth rears its head.

I'm lucky that I live in a rural area where folks aren't about to run out and spend more on a wedding than they would on a used car and I know that my family and local friends aren't going to look down their noses at the corners we cut. But some of my friends from more urban, economically well-off locations? Sometimes I feel sick when I realize what their expectations may be.
I know one person in particular who voiced her opinions about good vs. bad weddings loudly to me while planning her own wedding: "I went to one wedding that cost $10K, and it was horrible. Trashiest thing I'd ever seen, the food was awful, it wasn't what a wedding should be at all because she didn't invest in it." She probably doesn't even remember saying that (and making other statements like it) to me, but ohhh, I remember them. She's also advised us to go to the Justice of the Peace with a tone that I knew meant "oh honey, you're such a broke-ass bride, you shouldn't even try to have a wedding because you're just too poor to have it be worth anyone's time."  Whenever I'm thinking over my budget in the middle of the night, I hear those words in a nasty little sing-song voice, taunting me.



 But whenever I start to panic and consider eating nothing but PB&Js until October or just running off to Gatlinburg (what Gretna Green was to Jane Austen's heroines, Gatlinburg is to our area), I get myself back under control by getting real with my two choices. I can either give in to the folks who tell me that I can't have a wedding that looks great and is fun to attend, or I can adjust my expectations, shut my ears to the doubts that tear me down, and do the work I need to do to make it happen. I don't need anything except my husband-to-be, some witnesses, and a license to get married, but I believe I can put together a good celebration that doesn't put us in debt to mark the occasion we're looking forward to so much.

Mythbusting:
This is one myth I've spent a lot of time and effort busting for myself because it's at the core of how our wedding is happening, and I've amassed some tips that get me through the times when I start doubting the feasibility or kick-ass-ness of any part of our wedding.

• Find other brides who inspire you! I quickly realized that I'm soooo not alone in the world of brides on a shoestring. There are some well-known budget-bride bloggers like Sara Cotner of 2000 Dollar Wedding and Meg Keene of A Practical Wedding, some of the ladies like Mrs. Locket and Mrs. Bunny at Weddingbee, and everyday not-internet-famous ladies on wedding messageboards everywhere.
• Do your research. This is the nitty-gritty step of how our wedding is happening -- when I see something I like, I read all I can about what it costs and how it's done, finding the most affordable ways to make it happen. You know that bridal show I mentioned? I saw a tree full of photos there at a florist's booth that I fell in love with. If I were having a florist make it, it would be costing me a buttload more than ordering manzanita and fixing it in a base myself, printing and matting my own photos, and attaching flowers I find at Michaels. Can you find that cool thing you want on Etsy, or do you know someone who crafts, or is there something you could do that's similar even if not-quite-exactly what you're wanting? Research and creative thinking will give you the answers.
• Decide early where to splurge. I fell in love with these invites when I first saw them waaaaay before I was engaged, and they're the wedding splurge I'm going to budget for. Actually, budget-wise, it helps a lot to decide on many things early -- especially when it comes to DIY, which I'll talk about tomorrow.
• Use coupons! I use coupons in my wedding budget in two different ways -- whenever I use coupons or a member's card while grocery shopping, I take the amount I save out of my checking account and put it into my wedding savings account (when I can afford to). But the more direct way I use coupons is by signing up for emails from all the wedding-related places I plan to spend. I have a separate email account for all my wedding business, which keeps it from getting lost in my personal account -- I can just go in and check the wedding account every few days and delete the things I know I can't use. If you take the time to look at the deals and steals available to you and can adjust what you want to make the best use of them, you can save a lot.
• Don't be afraid of getting things that have been used -- there are brides selling tons of candle holders, vases, cake stands, dresses, and other wedding and reception ephemera at PreOwnedWeddingDresses.com, BravoBride, RecycledBride, and WeddingBee Classifieds along with other non-wedding-specific resources like Ebay and Craigslist.
• Know what to stay away from. I love Style Me Pretty... who doesn't? But I know I'm horrible for seeing something gorgeous on there, realizing how much it costs, and being a sad panda. When I can kick into research mode, I can pull myself back out, but it's just so easy to get overwhelmed by looking at the high-end wedding stuff that I don't let myself do it (much).
• Don't give up! Finding nice used stuff, researching how to make things, and talking to lots of people to find the best deals can be a lot of work, but when you score a great deal or come up with a great solution, it's all worth it!