Wheat and (DIY) cold feet

This morning, I came down with a serious case of DIY cold feet -- specifically when it comes to my fabric flowers. I hadn't worked on them in a long while, and the last time I tried to make a new kind of flower, I had a massive fail. I didn't even take pictures, it was sooo bad.  So I didn't have the greatest levels of confidence when I started trying to finish up the white flowers this morning (I have them all cut out and just need to singe them and stitch 'em together -- but I haven't done anything with my brown fabrics yet).
About half an hour into the venture, everything seemed to start going wrong. I had serious doubts about how the finished product would look whizzing through my mind, it seemed to be taking soooo long, and I started realizing how little time I'd been taking to work on them.
Are they worth it? I'm still trying to figure that out. I'm not making any hasty decisions about axe-ing them yet.

Don't be hasty.

But my backup plan is starting to look really enticing. What is it?

Wheat bouquets!
Seeing wheat bouquets was what got me interested in using wheat in our decorations to begin with, and I can't help but think they'd be soooooooo much easier than the fabric flowers. Just order up a giant box of wheat and some ribbon and pins and thereyougo.
Wheat, stop tempting me!

Co-bridesmaids and co-brides: making it work

Last night, I made what might end up being one of the most important phone calls during this whole wedding planning process. It shouldn't have been a hard phone call to make, but it was -- not because it meant pledging more money toward a vendor's services or plunging into a big decision, but because I had to get a grip on some insecurity that have been dogging me for a while.
One of my best friends from college is in my wedding and I'm in hers -- both of which are this year. This should be great, right? Having someone to talk wedding stuff to all the live-long day who actually likes talking about weddings?


We're definitely more like the Bingleys. Just sayin'.

It was turning out more like this:


... because I've been feeling sensitive and defensive about our wedding when it comes to talking with my friend.
I can't speak to how my friend has been feeling -- I have guesses, but I do know what's been going on in my head. And that's been a big ol' dose of insecurity.
My friend and I are moving in opposite directions in terms of lifestyles, and we've been headed in those directions since college -- she's upwardly mobile at this point, I'm happy and able to make do on my budget that runs out every month. And it seems like the more we move in these different directions, the harder it can be for us to come to common ground as easily as we used to. Her family and her fiance's family are expecting a traditional blow-out of an American wedding, and my fabric flowers seem as alien to her as her full-service venue does to me. And I think we're both feeling insecure about how folks will view each of our weddings, and when we feel like the other person doesn't understand our choices, we both feel defensive. (Well, here I go guessing at her feelings even though I was going to try not to...).
I've handled that insecurity poorly. Instead of just growing a tougher skin, I've tended to step back, being more difficult to get hold of than I used to be and not reaching out much on my own. But I'd been starting to worry about my own behavior. I even had a dream earlier this week that my friend fell into a pool and surfaced with a hurt look on her face when I didn't rush to get her out. When my friend messaged me last night saying she was a little hurt that I didn't ask her to go wedding dress shopping with me and that she'd be addressing invitation envelopes by herself all day today, a lot of those feelings came to the surface.
I was still tempted to pull back, to find some way to respond that would keep me from engaging emotionally. My thoughts went to the possibility that we could end up in a fight over how the distance between us came about, with both of us feeling that the other has changed.  But my fiance stopped me.
"Why don't we offer to go help her do her invitations?" he asked. He was right* -- we could drive down to her hometown, get a hotel room, help her with invites in the evening and head back home on Sunday. It took me a few minutes to get up the courage to call, apologize for hurting her feelings, and make the offer. Is it too little too late? I wondered, thinking about how long it had been since we just talked, not about what we needed to do for each other's weddings but about our lives, sharing honestly. Will she yell at me? I wondered, knowing her spitfire temper and how she's aimed it at vendors who haven't measured up and feeling like I've "measured up" as a bridesmaid less than the flaky caterer she'd considered for a few months.
I got brave and left her a voicemail. And when she called me back later, we were talking and laughing within ten minutes like we used to in the storage closet of my old dorm where we'd sit and drink and play with a giant hula hoop. I'd spent so much effort avoiding confrontation over insecurities and being defensive that I've been missing out on a friendship.

Good times in grad school

The whole experience got me thinking about how friendships can be put under a microscope when you're in someone's wedding pary. I don't know if it works this way so much for guys -- but I feel like there are a lot of issues that can present themselves when weddings are involved that might stay dormant otherwise. Putting someone into a situation with the set of expectations that comes with a bridal party can make things worse if you already feel like there's something unresolved or tense in your friendship. But, at the same time (at least to me), the whole point of asking someone to be your attendant is to recognize and honor your friendship. And I can't just tune out those issues when they come to light.
I feel so much better about the state of things between us now, and I've got a better idea of how I can help our friendship continue to grow rather than to stagnate. That idea revolves around communication. My friend will know I care about her if I stay in good communication with her and be open with her rather than clam up.
If you've been a bridesmaid, what has or could have helped you most with keeping a good connection with your bride-friend? If you've been a bride, what have you done to nourish your relationships with your bridesmaids?

* Right as always. One of the many reasons he'll make a great husband -- he helps me be a better person in so many ways.

Tickled salmon dusty rose blush...

Okay. I'm about to go crazy-bride on err'body up in here for just a second. Feel free to close your browser, because I know this is a little ridiculous.
I have a problem. Specifically, a pink problem. One that I never anticipated.
If you asked me just last year if I'd ever have anticipated having a wedding with pink in it, I would have laughed heartily. I would have told you that I'm not a pink kind of girl. And then, had you talked to my Mom, she would have told you how big a fibber I was.* I went through a pink stage as a little girl that would have frightened Barbie. I even had pink striped wallpaper and a briiiiiight pink bookshelf (which has since been repainted white).

This could have been me.

I've been a recovering pinkaholic since my early years, but apparently I can't quite kick it. As a grownup, I've never liked pink stuff made for women -- it's always too bright. But it's the off-shades of pink that I go crazy for: shell pink, rose, coral, salmon, any of the pinks that have neutrals mixed in. You'd never guess it because I can never find clothes that aren't fuschia or neon pink or bubblegum.
I like shades like this:



Blatantly bummed from 100 Layer Cake



When I first hit upon the idea of using dusty rose as a color in our wedding decor, I was thinking something like the rose color pictured above -- a darker, more fall-ish shade. But it's surprising how shades of pink can clash. Yesterday, I put my different pink things together while trying to figure out which shade of pashminas to order, and I ran up against a conflict in colors.**

Does...

or



... go better with

?

Mom and I are both more partial to the lighter salmon pink, but the brighter "dusty rose" is closer to the flowers in color. Mom says that the salmon looks better because it's different enough that "it doesn't look like I'm trying to match them," while with the dusty rose "it looks like I'm trying to match them and failing at it." Ha... true.

But then you start to add in other elements, like these tablecloths I'd been thinking of ordering.

       or

I'd been thinking the darker linen tablecloth would go well with the dusty rose in the pashminas, and the silk one is pretty, but it might be a little too fancy (especially since I'd been thinking of making runners out of some burlap. Burlap and satiny material? Would that look crazy?).

Basically at this point, I feel like I'm awash in a sea of pink (it's a sea that tastes like cotton candy, so I'm not toooo miserable). I can't tell what looks good with what anymore... I've been pink-washed! (Get it? Like, brainwashed? Or maybe I should say "I've got pink-eye." Okay, it's really bad when I'm making up dumb pink phrases that I have to explain. See my problem here? I need help, mostly of the psychiatric nature.)

My sane side says I'm thinking way too hard and that a range of pinks will look pretty dang awesome in the end rather than trying to match-match-match. So I'm going to listen to it rather than to my inner design freak who gets off on Pantone swatches. It'll all work out in the end, methinks.

Aww yeah, that's hot stuff... oh baby, oh baby!

* She'd also tell you how I've been obsessed with purple since then, too, and I can find plenty of stuff to wear in the purple shades I like. I'll never be able to escape my inner 6-year-old. She fully expects me to have unicorns at this wedding, too, since I'm going childhood-retro with the color.

** Johnny's official position is that pink is pink and the colors in the bar above are actually white, pink, pink, orange, and brown and that people who believe in more than 10 colors are just suffering under a big delusion.

What to give the girls?

It's probably way early to be thinking about this, but I just keep getting ideas for things to give my bridesmaids.  Most of my girls are pretty practical and have waaaay different senses of style -- R loves sewing and crafting, A loves her dogs and gardening and line dancing, B has a more high-class sense of style, J loves yellow (I mean LOVES yellow. And Chapel Hill blue.). K is classy and not into girly stuff while other-K loves anything a little fun and different and laid-back. I don't want to get them wildly different gifts, but I want whatever I give them to be something that I'm pretty sure they'll enjoy as their awesome individual selves.

Though I'm DIYing a ton of things for the wedding, this is one area that I don't want to go DIY-crazy with. I know that I love love love handmade gifts, and a few of my bridesmaids are that way, too, but a few aren't -- and I want to err on the side of giving more rather than less with my ladies. It means so much to me that each of them will stand with us, and they've each been important in my life or in Johnny's life. I may cut corners elsewhere, but not with them.

The first thing I saw that made me think "I HAVE to get these for the girls" were these hangers on Etsy. I'd seen them before in pro pics of wedding dresses and found one I'd love for myself. The more I wanted one of my own, the more I started thinking that this is the kind of thing that a woman with any sense of style might like but might not go out of her way to buy for herself. Visions of awesome pictures aside, I think these will be a neat gift.

By Janagaildesigns

I'm also a sucker for handthrown pottery mugs. Maybe it comes from going to hippie college or all the weekends I drooled over the pottery wares at the Carrboro farmer's market. They can be chunky and organic-looking or sophisticated-yet-unique, and I'm going to be on the lookout for some nice ones to gift to the ladies.

I looooove this one by Justmare!

I'm not really including the pashminas my bridesmaids will wear as a "gift" since I'm asking them to wear them, but I'll probably still put them in the gift bags with the rest of the goodies. Still not sure exactly which pink I'll be ordering -- I have one of the salmon and one of the dusty rose, and it's still hard to decide!

From La Purse

I'm pretty sure I'll be packaging it all in a totebag -- probably the one thing that I'll make myself unless I find a really good deal. There are lots of cool DIY totebags out there, so I think I can find a project that will look good enough to pass even my most discerning bridesmaid's tastes.

I was tempted to go with the "bridesmaid survival kit" theme, giving them some little bottles of different liquors and aspirin and bobby pins and whatnot, but if I had a choice between receiving liquor and a sewing kit or a freakin' awesome mug and hanger, I'd go with the second choice!

What would you love love love to receive as a bridesmaid? Is it something you'd get yourself or something you probably wouldn't spend the money on but would love to get as a gift?

A bandwagon full of mason jars (and some fireflies)

I feel like I'm coming off the tail-end of a whole slew of serious posts, full of either serious thoughts or srs bizns getting things done -- and we've also had some srs bizns stuff going on in real life in the past 24 hours that has worn me out. This morning is one of those mornings when I look for wedding inspiration on the web, just following where the internet-tide takes me, and that's becoming one of my favorite ways to do wedding-related things without a lot of stress. In fact, it's pretty stress-relieving, when you're just surfing to see what you can find.
I go back and forth between feeling like I'm being extremely unoriginal with my love for mason jars (and not caring) and realizing (probably realistically) that I'm one of the few people I know in real life who pays attention to wedding trends, and most of the folks we know will agree that mason jars are very "us." I went nuts over the Fireflies invitation on Minted because it reminded me of our first summer together, living in Johnny's uncle's house on the mountain. When we'd come home at night, the tree field that stretched out in front of the porch would be filled with fireflies. We moved in right as "firefly season" started, and there was something so magical and exciting about taking that step to move in together, and I feel that embodied in some of my memories of just taking a few moments to watch the fireflies together. I really do love that there's a way to bring those memories to our wedding with visual association -- it makes total sense to me why the whole "mason jars and fireflies" thing has taken off so much. They bring so many happy thoughts to people!
I've been curious to see what other mason jar things are out there since discovering the invites I love and the die cut and stamp sets from Papertrey. One thing I've found that I love: this drink dispenser from Pottery Barn. There's a whole article about mason jar drink dispensers on Intimate Weddings, but this one really caught my eye:


It's $70 and holds 1.5 gallons -- even if I just bought one and had someone refill it during the reception, it still probably wouldn't be worth the chunk of my budget it would take, but I still love looking at it! And the mason jar mugs = awesome because you don't have to grab hold of a sweaty glass. But we're mountain folk. We ain't too good for sweaty glasses. Still... they're cute.
I went over to Etsy, figuring that they'd be all up on the mason jar bandwagon -- and I was right! Along with enough mason jar lanterns to light up Texas, there are some cute finds, like stamps and favor boxes. If I were going to decorate the bathrooms in the church, I might put some of these in there:

By MidwestFinds, but other sellers do these, too

And what about these little beauties? I know brides are supposed to be all glamorous and stuff, but I wonder if it would be too cutesy to wear these for the wedding?

By Tracyleedesigns

But I did find something I love that I can afford and might actually purchase for the wedding if Johnny likes the idea: mason jar Bride and Groom toasting glasses!


By GracefullySouthern

You know what else is on Etsy? Tons of invites that have the same mason jar and fireflies thing going on as the ones I love on Minted. Some of them look kiiiiinda like knock-offs to me, but some of the other designs are neat and go in different directions than the jar + fireflies + brown background look. Also, I did a little price figuring and I'd still be getting the best deal at Minted (plus, their design is the one I like best, more than the similar Etsy creations... and I wouldn't feel like I'm contributing to design ripoff). Have I mentioned that if I go ahead and order the invites today, I can use a 10% off coupon? I feel crazy considering ordering invites this far in advance, and I may get another coupon before then, but I can't help feeling like "I have it! Let's do this! WHOOOO!" 
Also, I'm soooo glad we're not doing seating arrangements (heck, unless someone convinces me otherwise, we're not doing formal RSVPs), but if we were, I'd be in love with these, even though they're ripoff-y:

Aaaaaaaaadorable!

And now I have this song stuck in my brain:

... to the dress!

I'm starting to come down from the buzz of sheer excitement from finding my dress, but I still get happy squirmy feelings every time I think about it. But there's only so much I can show you of the real thing, because of this:

He may look like an innocent ASU fan...

But he's definitely sneaky. See the mischief lurking in those eyes... there's so much of it, it cannot be contained.


Who, me?

... yeah, he's definitely up to no good. If pictures of me in the dress I'm actually going to wear end up anywhere on the internet, he's going to sneak around and find them. But what I can show you are the dresses that were the runners up.

This was the first one I tried on. I liked it, but since it was the first, I was kind of in shock of "OMG I'M IN A WEDDING DRESS" and not able to articulate what, specifically, I liked and didn't like about it.

When I put the second one on, I knew from the second I saw my Mom's face and turned to see myself in the mirror that it would take a dress made of hundred dollar bills to one-up it. That's the one I can't show you. But I can show you the expression on my face while I was in it:

(Yep. This is the one. Ridiculously happy grinning ensues for half an hour... even when I get to put it on again at the end to try on shoes and look at it in full ensemble one last time.)

The third one was one Mom wanted me to try, as well as a favorite on the poll I posted on Weddingbee. It is a cool dress, just not really my style. It was fun to try it on, though!

The fourth one I tried was similar in many ways to the winner. This one was one I'd been really keen to see in person in the ivory color because I'd heard that the flowers on the bodice had a really lovely pinkish-and-champagne tint to them, and they were, indeed, gorgeous. I think if the one that was the winner hadn't existed, this one would have been my choice. Mom was surprised at how much better it looked on me than she thought it would! (Please ignore my crazy expression... dunno what I was doing there...). Some of the others did a lot more to define my waist, which I liked, and this one did something a little weird with my chest/above-the-boobs flab that the others didn't do quite as much. But I loved the flowy-ness and simplicity of it.

Really, I was amazed at how much better I looked than I thought I would. Dunno what this says about my psyche, but it sure made me happy.

So, there you have it... well, not really. You have all the ones except it, but since I have an internet creeper for a fiance, that's all you can have.... for now.

I said yes...

I'm still kind of giddy with excitement from the experience that was Thursday night. After a month of snow and trying to work around schedules, Mom and I finally got a chance to go dress shopping two nights ago. Though I wasn't determined to come home with a dress or a dress order in hand, I'd looked at the David's Bridal pictures enough that I felt really confident in the choices I'd narrowed it down to in my head.

*record scratch*

What's that you say? Why yes... yes, I went to David's Bridal.

DB has been called the "Walmart of Weddings" in the weddings, and it's true that it's totally the big-name chain when it comes to wedding dresses. But I don't have a problem with that!

Knowing my "price point" as the consultants at Kleinfeld would say, David's was looking great. If I'd wanted a designer dress, I probably could have found one second-hand with a lot of research, but as soon as I started flipping through the DB catalog and looking online, I saw that they had a lot of dresses in styles I loved. If I like 'em and they fit my price range, it just seemed silly to get worked up in looking at more expensive and more exclusive options if this fit what I wanted as well as I thought. And boy, was I right.

I knew I wanted something:

• Simple - with a little sparkle and detail but not really that much.
• Flowy - almost every dress I liked had chiffon involved.
• Ivory
• That works with my figure. I've tried on enough formalwear (mostly through shopping for dresses as a bridesmaid) to know some of the things that work for me, like ruching at the waist, A-line silhouettes, and empire waistlines. I loved that our consultant remarked that I had a good eye for finding stuff that works well with my shape :)

My local DB had gotten one or two bad reviews online for service, but I'd been there before and they'd been nothing but nice, so I pretty much ditched the reviews from my mind and went in expecting things to go well. Not only did they go well -- from the moment we walked in, I felt like they treated us like gold. Maybe it was because we went later in the evening when they weren't as busy as they get on weekends, or maybe it was because we'd scheduled an appointment. Who knows. But we experienced nothing of the dissatisfaction that I'd heard about.

Our consultant (Heather) was working with a few other folks at the same time, but she had her timing down so well that we never felt ignored -- quite the opposite! She was extremely friendly and helpful and made the whole experience a breeze. I'd been wondering about buying a longline bra and slip to go with my dress -- what do you know, she found the perfect ones, and I got to wear them to try on the dresses! I knew I wanted to wear my hair down but didn't have a clue what to wear in it -- ta-da, she finds a veil and hairpiece that go with it! I'd already been searching to no avail to find some cheap ivory shoes with a small heel to keep in mind for once I found a dress (I'm not a shoe girl) -- she has a great pair on sale for $20!

I love the discounts that pile up if you use David's Bridal and Men's Wearhouse for your wedding stuff. With the current sale prices and some discounts, I got my entire ensemble for around $850, which was pretty dang awesome -- I even got to take it home that night! That frees up about $200 of wiggle room in my budget, which is beyond awesome. I might even be able to afford one of these beauties from Etsy to hang the dress on...



By rockabuy creations

I won't hesitate to share my story of how DB treated us specacularly with other brides who've heard the same negativity I'd heard about the chain. I'm sure that there have been brides who've had bad experiences with them, but my local store and the consultant I worked with really deserve recognition for giving great customer service and giving me one of the most memorable and wonderful experiences of my life.

So, what's the dress look like, you ask?
There will be more to come...

Wedding Mythbuster: Myth #4

Wedding Myth #4: Wedding planning is stress, stress, stress.

Wedding planning can bring some ridiculously stressful situations. There are few other times in your life when you're so much "in the spotlight," with reasons to feel insecure and with other people giving you opinions left and right (I imagine pregnancy's probably similar... maybe by then, married women have at least had some practice?). There are few other times when you have to be more diplomatic with family members, coordinate with as many service providers, and try to keep a smile on your face through the whole process.
But should wedding planning be inherently a stress-producing activity? I don't believe so. Or more precisely, I do believe that you reap the feelings you sow when you plan a wedding, and I think there are ways to approach the process that help cut down on stress and maximize the enjoyment you get out of this special time.

You may have noticed by now that a lot of these stories involve a friend of mine -- this friend is someone who went out of her way to support me during some really rough times in my life a few years ago, someone who once knew me better than I knew myself, someone I thought I'd always be extremely close to. She got engaged a year and a half ago, and when I visited her last spring (right as her wedding planning kicked into gear), I wondered what sort of creature had stolen my friend and replaced her with someone scary.
I don't want to go into a lot of detail about the ways she's changed because I know that my friend is still in there -- I still love her, and I'm still excited about her wedding and her future life with her husband. But I've been watching her get sucked into a stress vortex since she started full-throttle wedding planning last spring. When she has to change a decision or when things don't fall into place smoothly, she doesn't hesitate sharing her disappointment and frustration, which tends to make things worse. Before I got engaged myself, I felt a little resentful of how she would express her stress -- "She's engaged!" I'd think to myself, "why doesn't she just put down the bridal magazines and just be happy that the man she loves wants to marry her?" I've started feeling a lot more compassionate since putting on the engaged-shoes myself.  I've been worrying about her for months, but the more upset she feels, the more she acts in ways that push people away. I know she's hurting, but from the outside, I can see how she doesn't make things any easier on herself by forgoing healthy coping mechanisms in favor of panic.
Of course, I am on the outside -- it's so much easier to "see" other people's problems (at least how you perceive them) and form opinions about what they should do. People have known that since Jesus talked about planks and specks. But watching her go through her own wedding-troubles has given me great incentive to be prepared with my own tools for dealing with stress when it stops at my door.

Mythbusting:

There are tons of lists out there full of tips to deal with wedding-stress, so I won't go into much detail about the advice that's well-circulated, like "get enough rest," "take care of your body," "exercise," etc. They're still great tips, don't get me wrong. But here are some things that I think are important to understanding how you react to stress and where it comes from that don't get mentioned as much:

• When you feel stressed, take some time for yourself in a calm place to just sit and figure out what, exactly, is making you feel upset. I had a panic earlier this week when I was taking another look at our wedding budget and thinking that the money I'm saving isn't going far enough. But knowing that wasn't enough to help me feel in control of the panic. I ended up opening the budget spreadsheet up and looking at the numbers until I saw that I was particularly frustrated with the fact that I don't have a specific amount budgeted for food. We have some folks helping us with food, but it'll be a good while before we get those details pinned down, so I just have to live with an empty spreadsheet cell for a while, but figuring that out helped me calm down a lot.
• Know what planning-related activities tend to trigger you to stress. I know I need to be in a good mood to work with our budget, that I need to be ready with patience with talking about plans with certain folks, that talking with official people (like vendors and our officiant) tends to make me a little nervous.
• Find an organization system that works for you. Maybe a physical "wedding binder," maybe a planner kind of calendar, maybe an expandable file... I tried the physical organization system thing, but Google docs have worked a lot better for me because I can't forget them in places! I have a big Tupperware box full of actual wedding stuff, which includes most of my important papers. It doesn't matter how pretty your system is or how technologically awesome it is... as long as it helps you keep track of your stuff, it's good. Being able to keep up with your ideas, receipts, budget, appointments, and all that jazz with ease makes things a lot less stressful.
• When you're feeling stressed -- put down the crazy and step back, do something else. I'm bad for wanting to keep pushing on until I get things solved when I really just need to chill. It's hard for me to do this step for myself, but sometimes it's just what I need. It's also good to take a step back from wedding stuff with all the people involved. I try to relate to Johnny, my Mom, all the girls who are my bridesmaids, primarily as the family and friends they are rather than in their wedding-shoes roles as much as I can -- it keeps me grounded.
• Realize that there are lots of things out of your control and be able to let those things go. This is the place where wedding planning intersects with prayer for me. A lot of times I just have to have faith, take a breath, and accept what's what in order to feel at peace.
• Keep a list in the back of your mind of activities you love that help you relieve stress. Everyone always suggests exercise - that does not de-stress me, unless it's just a nice walk. But baths do. And reading books. And playing Mah Johngg on the internet. Remembering what I can do instead of stress helps me feel better faster. 
• Make yourself a playlist of music that helps you feel relaxed and happy! This is my current favorite feel-good song:

• Try to think back on the early stages of planning when the possibilities were exciting. Remember the first thing you decided on that made you go "This! This will make our wedding awesome!" and the feeling that came with it? Visit that memory to get a little confidence boost and to remember that planning can really be a lot of fun.
• Remember that in the end, all that matters is getting to marry your awesome man :)

Wedding Mythbuster: Myth #3

Wedding Myth #3: If you make ________ yourself, your wedding is going to be The Dreaded T Word.

Y'all know about The Dreaded T Word, right? To my Dad, it means "This adjective means it's a substance I can use to stick pieces of my ancient car back together, along with some coat hangers and duct tape." To my Granny, it means wearing jeans to work. To folks in wedding-world, it's a verbal shuriken.

It's not a nice word, but it's one of those words that people still think -- some of them keep it to themselves, some of them have the cajones to say it out loud, but, well... that there's a fightin' word.
DIY has come into a heyday in wedding-world. An extremely crafty bride-to-be could pretty much create an entire wedding by hand these days, and it seems like many weddings incorporate at least one handmade or semi-handmade product, whether it's invitations or reception decor or part of the wedding attire. But though wedding DIY has become pretty mainstream, it still doesn't float every guest's boat, and the craft-savvy bride may still be left wondering if Aunt Ermintrude is going to be offended by the knitted wrap she made to wear with her dress.
I know I sure do.
I had an awkward conversation with one of my bridesmaids over the fact that I'm not using real flowes -- or even silk ones -- at our wedding. I'm making my own out of fabric, but she was completely and totally horrified by this. At first, she didn't believe me, then said that I'd be bringing down the tone of the whole wedding and my homemade ones would show my lack of thought and effort behind the whole thing. I explained where I was coming from, and she let it go, but the experience really shook me. I'd just ordered my fabric to make them, but even as it was speeding toward my post office, I was starting to think that it was all a bad idea because now I was worried that my flowers would offend the world more than Janet Jackson's boob ever did.
Luckily, once I started working on them, my fears were put to rest when I saw how they were turning out. I realized I love the way they're going to look, Johnny likes them (and seems to be proud of me for them, which makes me happy beyond measure), no one in our immediate families has given me the shocked look* at the idea, and that all helped me calm 'er down and not care so much about what other folks may think. The whole experience made me realize that to DIY, you have to have a real desire to do it, a good sense of what you can commit to, and balls.



*the Shocked Look **

Mythbusting:
I think having the right attitude is essential to having success with your wedding DIY projects. They're not really something you can come up with and put together with ease in one fell swoop, so it takes a lot of perseverance just to get your finished product. I've already had a three-hour stretch where I cut up some of my flower fabric, realized that it wasn't going to do what I hoped it would do, and had to scrap that particular batch of materials. Even when you're going great guns on a project, things still take longer than you expect. It's important to evaluate what you can commit to as extensively as you can to start, then be prepared to stick with your projects through the long haul (and it doesn't hurt to have backup plans!).
And if you're going to put that much work and thought into a project, I'm finding that it also helps to get defensive of it, at least in your brain. These flowers have become my babies, and I ain't about to let anyone tear 'em down! No power in the 'verse can stop me! Taking up for yourself and your projects doesn't have to be aggressive -- it's kind of the same thing you have to do when standing up for any wedding decisions you make.
When people are staring at you like you've grown another head when you mention your shower-curtain-fabric table cloths, you can:

• Keep your response short. You don't have to justify your decisions to anyone who's not directly involved in the planning. The more you try to explain, the more invested you're going to feel in the argument, and that can just wear you out when your words sometimes fall on deaf ears.
• Show your excitement. Sometimes folks don't realize how their judgements sound until they see that you're excited and happy about a project.
• Show them some inspiration pictures. Seeing a similar project in pictures can help bridge the mental gap for someone who can't quite envision what you're thinking of in his or her brain.
• Remember that you're staying true to something that's you. You wouldn't be making something that didn't express who you and your fiance are -- keep your personal inspirations close to your heart and you'll remember why your projects are fun and exciting in the first place.
• If you're feeling truly ornery, you can always stare at them in silence. I need to grow some more DIY balls before I try this one.

  

  I need to grow a pair of DIY balls.

There are lots of great DIY resources out there these days, from the mainstream options like Martha Stewart Weddings to the DIY Bride website (which I love and is, unfortunately, down at the moment - but check out their Tumblr here!). There are also some great forums and websites full of brides who can inspire and advise you as they craft boldly onward.
Don't let the haters get you down -- go look at the masterpieces of other DIY brides, get inspired, get organized, get determined, and know that you'll be joining their ranks with pride!

** I thought Pippin would be an appropriate person to illustrate The Shocked Look because it's also the look that most people gave me when I mentioned having a very subtly Lord of the Rings themed wedding. Folks don't know what they're missing out on -- mallorn-leaf boutonnieres! Johnny's best man telling him "You have my axe!" Really, people. Party. Poopers. Fortunately, enough of the folks in the wedding party were into this idea that it may happen as a surprise anyway.

Wedding Mythbuster: Myth #2

Myth #2: You have to spend a lot of money if you want your wedding to look good.

About a month after we got engaged, I started trying to be a smart bride and figure out my budget. "Easy!" I thought. "I can put half my paycheck toward the wedding every month, and we'll be set!" I should have known things would get complicated. Because, you know, life costs money, and I don't make that much to begin with. Saving for the wedding and honeymoon has had me watching my bank accounts like a fiend because I've never done this much stretching of dollars before in my life. Even though I'm doing a good job saving for a modest wedding we can afford, it's still easy to get down about how hard it is just to save so little, especially when this myth rears its head.

I'm lucky that I live in a rural area where folks aren't about to run out and spend more on a wedding than they would on a used car and I know that my family and local friends aren't going to look down their noses at the corners we cut. But some of my friends from more urban, economically well-off locations? Sometimes I feel sick when I realize what their expectations may be.
I know one person in particular who voiced her opinions about good vs. bad weddings loudly to me while planning her own wedding: "I went to one wedding that cost $10K, and it was horrible. Trashiest thing I'd ever seen, the food was awful, it wasn't what a wedding should be at all because she didn't invest in it." She probably doesn't even remember saying that (and making other statements like it) to me, but ohhh, I remember them. She's also advised us to go to the Justice of the Peace with a tone that I knew meant "oh honey, you're such a broke-ass bride, you shouldn't even try to have a wedding because you're just too poor to have it be worth anyone's time."  Whenever I'm thinking over my budget in the middle of the night, I hear those words in a nasty little sing-song voice, taunting me.



 But whenever I start to panic and consider eating nothing but PB&Js until October or just running off to Gatlinburg (what Gretna Green was to Jane Austen's heroines, Gatlinburg is to our area), I get myself back under control by getting real with my two choices. I can either give in to the folks who tell me that I can't have a wedding that looks great and is fun to attend, or I can adjust my expectations, shut my ears to the doubts that tear me down, and do the work I need to do to make it happen. I don't need anything except my husband-to-be, some witnesses, and a license to get married, but I believe I can put together a good celebration that doesn't put us in debt to mark the occasion we're looking forward to so much.

Mythbusting:
This is one myth I've spent a lot of time and effort busting for myself because it's at the core of how our wedding is happening, and I've amassed some tips that get me through the times when I start doubting the feasibility or kick-ass-ness of any part of our wedding.

• Find other brides who inspire you! I quickly realized that I'm soooo not alone in the world of brides on a shoestring. There are some well-known budget-bride bloggers like Sara Cotner of 2000 Dollar Wedding and Meg Keene of A Practical Wedding, some of the ladies like Mrs. Locket and Mrs. Bunny at Weddingbee, and everyday not-internet-famous ladies on wedding messageboards everywhere.
• Do your research. This is the nitty-gritty step of how our wedding is happening -- when I see something I like, I read all I can about what it costs and how it's done, finding the most affordable ways to make it happen. You know that bridal show I mentioned? I saw a tree full of photos there at a florist's booth that I fell in love with. If I were having a florist make it, it would be costing me a buttload more than ordering manzanita and fixing it in a base myself, printing and matting my own photos, and attaching flowers I find at Michaels. Can you find that cool thing you want on Etsy, or do you know someone who crafts, or is there something you could do that's similar even if not-quite-exactly what you're wanting? Research and creative thinking will give you the answers.
• Decide early where to splurge. I fell in love with these invites when I first saw them waaaaay before I was engaged, and they're the wedding splurge I'm going to budget for. Actually, budget-wise, it helps a lot to decide on many things early -- especially when it comes to DIY, which I'll talk about tomorrow.
• Use coupons! I use coupons in my wedding budget in two different ways -- whenever I use coupons or a member's card while grocery shopping, I take the amount I save out of my checking account and put it into my wedding savings account (when I can afford to). But the more direct way I use coupons is by signing up for emails from all the wedding-related places I plan to spend. I have a separate email account for all my wedding business, which keeps it from getting lost in my personal account -- I can just go in and check the wedding account every few days and delete the things I know I can't use. If you take the time to look at the deals and steals available to you and can adjust what you want to make the best use of them, you can save a lot.
• Don't be afraid of getting things that have been used -- there are brides selling tons of candle holders, vases, cake stands, dresses, and other wedding and reception ephemera at PreOwnedWeddingDresses.com, BravoBride, RecycledBride, and WeddingBee Classifieds along with other non-wedding-specific resources like Ebay and Craigslist.
• Know what to stay away from. I love Style Me Pretty... who doesn't? But I know I'm horrible for seeing something gorgeous on there, realizing how much it costs, and being a sad panda. When I can kick into research mode, I can pull myself back out, but it's just so easy to get overwhelmed by looking at the high-end wedding stuff that I don't let myself do it (much).
• Don't give up! Finding nice used stuff, researching how to make things, and talking to lots of people to find the best deals can be a lot of work, but when you score a great deal or come up with a great solution, it's all worth it! 

Wedding Mythbuster: Myth #1

Myth #1: You should _______________ to look good for your wedding.

I've already talked about my personal struggle with one aspect of this myth -- the "you should lose weight for your wedding" aspect -- in a previous post. But just this week, I found out that there's actually an upcoming reality TV show on CW based entirely around it: Shedding for the Wedding, which looks pretty much like The Biggest Loser repackaged with engaged couples.

Show logo

I have issues with weight-loss reality TV in general -- as much as these shows talk about "healthy lifestyle transformation" and whatnot, I think the method of "whoever can lose the most the fastest wins" doesn't back up that message very well. But this show sounds a lot better than Bridalplasty. Even the producer of Shedding for the Wedding can't stand Bridalplasty, apparently.
I haven't watched Bridalplasty, but I'm pretty horrified by the idea of women competing in challenges to win free plastic surgery for their wedding. The internet tells me that when a contestant got voted off, they were told "Your wedding will still go on, but it may not be perfect." Ugh. Ew. There's so much that's wrong with that, it's scary.

Granted, both these shows win viewers because they're extreme. But the idea they capitalize on is that every bride wants to look perfect for her wedding day and they promote that there is a way to accomplish that. It's that idea that's inside every insecurity that makes brides feel like "oh, I should lose those pounds," or "I could never afford professional teeth whitening, but maybe I should buy some of those strips..." not by sending a positive message about cardiac or dental health, but through the threat of "you're going to look awful your wedding pictures if you don't do this." Which makes me mad. There's too much to be happy about when you're getting married to let messages of you're not pretty enough tear you down.  Not everybody has to join me on the Body Positive and Health at Every Size bandwagons, but I think every bride deserves to feel beautiful just as she is on her wedding day, without having to spend money to look "better," but it's hard to feel that way in our culture.

Mythbusting:
I was really worried with I got engaged that I wouldn't be able to find a wedding dress I liked, but the more I've looked at dresses online, the more I see that there's a whole world of plus size dresses, as well as dresses that look great on girls of all different heights. There are some gorgeous plus size wedding dresses out there these days, ranging from things I can afford to couture, and there are plus size trunk shows. I wish I could have gone to the one that The Curvy Fashionista reviewed -- from the pictures, it looks like it would have been awesome!

One of her trunk show pics. I love that all these ladies look happy!

I've been scouring the web for information about positive body image work specifically for brides, but there's not that much out there -- however, there are some great books and other sources of information on positive body image that apply to any time in a person's life. You can find books in a whole spectrum of perspectives, from more feminist texts like The Body Myth to a title on the subject published by Focus on the Family, Comfortable In Your Own Skin. For a quick web resource, I particularly like the tips given at the companion website to the book Our Bodies, Our Selves, especially the ones on mindfulness. Even just being mindful of the fact that I'm being exposed to a lot more negative pressure in bride-world than I am in regular-Meredith-world helps me evaluate my feelings more realistically when I start worrying about how I'm going to look in my wedding pictures.
But the biggest reason that I know this is a myth -- when a guy proposes, he's asking you to spend the rest of your life with him just as you are. Your man loves you, not "you with ears that stick out less" or "you that doesn't have thigh cellulite." I feel happy and blessed that my future husband loves me and thinks I'm hot stuff without having to change. And that's what it's all about.

Wedding Mythbuster: An Introduction

I'm back with a vengeance after conquering the stomach flu -- and I've got a post series hot and ready to go. I've been thinking a lot lately about some of the things I believe that guide me in my wedding planning adventures -- actually, it's more like list of things I don't believe. Whenever I get frustrated with feeling like I'm expected to plan a wedding around ideas I don't believe in, I get myself feeling better by thinking about it like I'm an honorary team member on Mythbusters. I'm kind of on a mission to prove that there's a lot of stuff you don't have to go along with to have a great wedding.
But first, I want to tell you a story about why I became a Wedding Mythbuster in the first place.

September 2010 was a hard month for me. I was getting used to a new job and feeling a lot of pressure from some folks at our church to just go ahead and get married already (since Johnny and I were living together, and even with a roommate, that wasn't a move that sat well with some folks in our rural, conservative community). At the same time, Johnny had been planning to propose on our anniversary in October for a few months, but I didn't know this -- he'd also planned out one of the longest ruses in history and kept me thinking that marriage wasn't on his mind at the moment, or at least that it wouldn't happen til around 2027. As well-adjusted as I was in my status of "waiting," I still had crazy-days when I, too, wanted to just go ahead and get married already.
In the middle of all this, my friend wanted me to go to a bridal show with her. I'm her Maid of Honor for her wedding in May, and she asked me to take a day off work to drive three hours to where she lives, try on bridesmaids dresses in the morning, go to the bridal show in the afternoon, then drive three hours home and go to work the next day. I love my friend. We shared many deep, meaningful moments and beers while I was in college and grad school. So I sucked up my waiting-craziness and drove to South Carolina.
After a morning of whirlwind dress trials, we grabbed some pizza and beer, then headed for the expo. I had a feeling that I wasn't well-prepared for what was to come -- my buzz from lunch was fading, and I was already tired. And I didn't know what to expect -- at this point, I hadn't read a single bridal magazine or seen an episode of Say Yes To The Dress. I wasn't prepared for the onslaught of advertising, pressure to one-up everyone else, and emphasis on doing anything it takes to have The Perfect Day. But as soon as we were in line, I could tell that there was a small blessing to be found: without one of the "Bride" stickers on my chest and a ring on my finger, none of the vendors felt the need to talk to me. I was able to fade into the background and trail behind my friend, watching, listening, observing.
I watched how vendors pitched their sales to brides and compared themselves to the competition, assuring women that they needed platinum photography packages and orchids and cakes that could have come off of Food Network, emphasizing that their services would help each bride's wedding stand out and have a "wow" factor. I stared in disbelief at the fact that a cosmetic surgery booth was one of the first booths to be seen when people got out of the ticket line. I stammered when vendors talked about me rather than to me right in front of my face, assuring my friend that "she seems like she'll be a great help to you when things get too overwhelming."
And then, as I hustled down a row a few steps behind my friend as she made a beeline for a DJ booth, someone reached out and grabbed my elbow. Slightly dazzled by the ballroom lights and the shrimp-filled ice sculptures*, I turned and blinked. A woman from a photography booth had hold of me.
"Ma'am, could you ask your daughter to come back here? I've got some great packages that I don't want her to miss out on."
...
So, I was less than impressed by the experience of being thrown into bride-world like a five-year-old into a pool. But I learned a lot from it. Particularly, what I learned was that there are a lot of ideas I just don't believe in when it comes to weddings. They're the kind of ideas that advertising promotes and that folks embrace because they're considered normal, but I think they're hogwash. Hogwash, I say! (If photographers think I'm old enough to be my friend's mom, at least I should be able to assert my opinion of hogwash like a crotchety granny). And by keeping my head and not letting these myths about what you have to do/be/believe to have a wedding make me stress out, I'm determined to bust 'em, at least for myself.

Cupcakery

I've been away from the internet for the past few days recuperating from a round of stomach flu that kept me from feeling up to doing much more than watching the entire first season of Desperate Housewives. One morning over the last couple of days, I was hiding from the world in bed, when Johnny came to give me a hug and said "there could be cupcakes."
At first I thought I might have heard him wrong through the medication fog, but he went on to explain that he'd been flipping through one of the bridal magazines he bought me (which may or may not have been located in the room of the house where stomach flu led me to spend a lot of my time, which may or may not be how he ended up browsing it...). And in that magazine had been a feature on some of the best and most creative cupcake creations in bakeries across the nation. I'd been under the impression that he wanted a traditional cake, but seeing some of the cool cupcakes got him thinking that they might not be so weird, after all. We haven't made a final decision yet, but his interest piqued mine, and now that I can think about food again, I've had cupcakes on the brain.
While my fiance and the rest of my non-bride-world-residing friends and family members might think that cupcakes are a newfangled idea, I'm aware that they're one of the more well-known trends in weddings these days (even Betty Crocker offers up her advice on DIY-ing them). But I'm drawn to cupcakes not just because they're cute and not just because they're "in" -- I'm drawn to them because they're DIY-friendly.

From The Cupcake Blog

My Mom loves to bake and has a real knack for cakes, and together we'd planned to be the creators of whatever cake-thing we ended up with for the wedding. (Not that there are many other options in rural Western NC - we'd be going to Asheville to find the nearest professional bakery that does anything cake and wedding related, so non-pro is the way to go, not just for budget reasons). So far, we hadn't really settled on any definite plans as to what kind of cake, how many tiers, what size they'd be, how to make up the extra, and such. We knew that we were going to be limited in our abilities to construct a tiered cake (more than two tiers would have been rough), and we'd been trying to think of simple ways to decorate a cake that would look good even with it being an amateur creation. That's where the beauty of cupcakes lie, for me -- in how much easier it would be to pull them off well than to make a really nice, even if amateurly made, tiered cake. Here's my list of pros and cons from a DIY angle:

• Cupcakes show fewer baking mishaps than layer cakes. When one cupcake in a batch goes wonky or you mess up the frosting beyond hope, you're only out one serving.
• There's less of a process involved in making a prototype of your final version. I've been anxious about testing the stacking and sticking-together-with-dowel-rods of a tiered cake. It just seems so much easier to frost a cupcake, add your decorations, and know what you're going to end up with.
• I have a feeling cupcakes would be soooooooo much easier to transport. It just seems like there's less opportunity for cupcakes to fall apart in transit than there would be for a big cake (at least if you can't put it together on-site).
• With the popularity of cupcakes, there are lots of resources for amateur bakers out there to make really awesome-looking creations. Paper wrappers! Sugar pearls! Edible glitter! Decorative picks! (which you could totally DIY also, if you were feeling really crafty...)

From Rhubarb and Rose - these are gorgeous!

If we do decide to go this route, there'll be recipes and pictures on the way as soon as we gear up for some test runs! I love pictures of monochromatic cupcakes, like the white ones with seashells on the blue stand, up top. And there's something about the creamy brown chocolate buttercream frosting (like the ones above) that makes a gorgeous neutral tone and might be hard to do on a big cake.
I've been both a little nervous and a lot excited about our DIY cakeventures that we've been planning to have, and this possible new development just makes them all the more fun for me... and makes me hungry. And makes me miss Bliss bakery in Chapel Hill, and taking Friday afternoon adventures there.
I've been looking for some DIY cupcake inspiration from non-pro folks who like to bake and have done cupcakes for weddings. The Recipe Girl has a great post about pulling off a smorgasboard of cupcakes even if you're not a cupcake professional -- her pics look a-maaaaa-zing! And of course, there's always Good Ol' Martha Stewart.

Do you have a favorite cupcake flavor, or is there something in particular that cupcakes evoke for you? I wonder if everybody has a particularly good cupcake memory...